The Possession of Spike Spiegel
by Orochimaru Mitarashi
Summary: Bebop gets tangled up with Star Wars and other Anime shows, it's pretty random.
1. Default Chapter

I do not own Bebop! Vegeta, and Bulma are property of Akira Toriyama. Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade-soon to be Skywalker, she's not a Skywalker in this story, yet... They are property of George Lucas and Tim Zahn. Spike Spiegel and other anime people belong to some cute Japanese guys and girls. Whatever. And Leonardo DiCaprio is mine forever!

Spike Spiegel and other anime people appear, not to mention some domestic cartoon characters. There will be violence, offensive language, silly situations, lemon, sexual innuendo, adult situations, drug use, talk of drug use, a Mary Sue is properly taken care of, tons of pop culture references, talk about witches, no, I am not making fun of my beliefs, and characters are very OOC.

So the mayhem begins again!

**The Possession of Spike Spiegel  
**

By Kate Spiegel

**Somewhere in China...A place full of mysterious wells.**

"Julia I found you! Oh Vicious too!" Spike said as he rushed to Vicious and glomped him. Then he walked over to Julia who was standing near a well and punched her in the face. "Hey! Why did you want to meet in China instead of the graveyard?"

"Because this would be a learning experience for Vicipoo! Hey Vicious! You want to see something!" Julia smirked.

Vicious is twirling his hair and acting like a spoiled brat. "Uh, yeah sure."

"Guard! What does that well do?" Julia said in a tone that sounded like Billy from Billy and Mandy. Then started laughing like him. "Watch this Mandy!"

The guard in a long black cloak walked by and said in a West Indian accent. "Beware, that is The Well of The Drowned Lecherou Monk named Miroku and The Pissed Off Female Red Dragon. You see the monk and a dragon were fighting one day, they fell down the well and both perished. So beware! This well is cursed!"

"Oh, I see! Oh wait. poor Miroku, so that's where he went. Sango went looking for him here and she got lost too, well, maybe she'll return. Now Vicious, I will bring Miroku back from the dead and Spike will be the body to bring him back in! Watch the fun begin!" Julia kissed Spike, then threw him down the well. All was heard but a scream and a splash.

"YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT DICAPRIO!" Suddenly a giant red dragon came out of nowhere, Julia and Vicious looked up.

"The experiment didn't go as planned! I wanted Miroku, not the dragon and Miroku!" Julia grabbed Vicious and started running for dear life.

"Sorry honey, but you got two for the price of one! I AM GOING TO SWALLOW BOTH OF YOU WHOLE!" Then the dragon vamped in midair. "BECAUSE, I'M A TORPEDO! I MEAN I'M A DRAGON!"

The dragon chased them for a while, until they found a cave where he coudn't find them. Let's get out of here!" Julia and Vicious ran away, while the dragon flew off somewhere else.

**Meanwhile...A while later...A Long While...Say about 9 Years...Spike discovers that he was a human after all! After he had taken care of some some baby dragons, it's not like that! They were orphans and the dragon is a she...Not to mention some kids as Miroku...They were orphans too...He leaves China...Goes back to the Bebop, ageless...Vicious and Julia had moved on to the Bebop after the well incident and also they were homeless, where could they go, that abandoned church?...That land was being turned into luxury condos for people like Boomhauer and Quagmire...(Who are secretly married, not even their parents know, but they still love women.)...The reason for Spikes youthful look is that he had found the Fountain of Youth...**

"Hey Jet and Faye! I'm back! Damn Faye, you've gotten really fat, you look like that Rosie chick that used to be in acting. Hey! Did that brat Edward return with my dog?" Then Spike looked Faye up and down again. "Hey looking good Miss Piggy!"

"Oh Master Spike, it's so good to see you fully functional again." It was Ein who had a big red collar around his neck. "Won't you look at this Master Spike, this device makes me talk. Mistress Ed made it."

"You can talk, wonderful! Then why is Faye so fat?" Spike asked.

"Oh dear Master Spike, I wouldn't tease if I were you. Mistress Faye is not feeling very well." He said in a very serene British voice.

"Well Fatso, that's what you get for eating too much." Spike joked.

"I'm pregnant you ass! Jet is the father!" She gave Jet a hug.

"Good for you Jet, you finally got that shrew tamed and as far away from me as possible!" Spike paused; "Stop the press, who is that?" Suddenly, something red caught his eye, it was a beautiful woman in a white leather tank top and tight black pants. Her curves mesmerized him and her scent drove him insane. "Jet tell me, who is that redhaired temptress that is bewitching me?"

Jet pointed at the girl. "Spike, that's Edward the brat! Don't worry, she just borrows your ship sometimes when she's working. But since Vicious and Julia moved in, she took your cabin. I had to do it, they were homeless and they wanted that church property. But Boomhauer and Quagmire got to it first."

"Why are Boomhauer and Quagmire in our town? Will someone please tell me? Are they really gay? I thought they were ladies men, those big fat liars, I'm going to kill them both! But hey, I'm not upset about the ship or Vicious and Julia, I'm just happy that Ed and I, share the same room now! I want to get into her body and possess her so bad!" Spike turned around and smiled wickedly. "I want her! I must have her!" Spike rushed to the beautiful redhaired woman who was unloading the Swordfish II and grabbed her from behind. "Hello there wench!"

"You perv!" Edward gasped, her face was red as her hair.

"Hey baby, it's me, Spike." He said as he squeezed her butt. "I love you! Marry me! Oh Sango!"

"Sango? You son of a bitch! Miroku, I mean Spike, where the hell have you been?" The angry girl turned and faced Spike with a growl, then grabbed him by the hair, punched him in the face, and kicked him in the balls. Then she spoke in a voice different from hers. "How dare you show your face around here! Oh Spike, it's been so long, give your dearest Edward a kiss! Wait a second, Spike I am very mad at you! Hold on there Ed, I need to talk to Miroku first! No Sango I want to talk to that damn Spike! Oh leave us alone the both of you disgust us, I am so mad at you Miroku! I'm mad at you too Spike Spiegel, you had me worried to death!"

Spike fell to the ground, clutching his groin as he watched Ed vanish from sight. "What a woman! I'm going to marry her, even if she kills me. We better get the dragonballs, ugh, no bad idea!" Then Spike started speaking in another voice, that of Miroku. "Oh man, was that Sango? Oh no, don't tell me she's dead too and in Ed's body!"

Faye crosses her arms. "Sango went after you and she never came back! You're friends were worried to death! Then Edward came looking for Spike after Vicky and Julie told her where he was, but she fell down some stupid well in China. So you're both screwed, you lunkheads, all four of you, add Vicipoo and Ghoulia and make it six! " Faye was dressed as Countess Dracula. "Count them! That's Six! Six Lunkheads! Ha! Ha!" Then she gave Spike a swift kick in the side.

"Oh, you shouldn't have Bride of Darth Vader." Spike said halfway out of breath.

Then Spike felt himself being picked up off the ground by his collar. "You nasty little brat! How dare ye bites the hand that feeds ye! I am the captain of this ship! I should throw you into the brig or make ye walk the plank and send you straight to Ryuho's Locker! Wait, we're in outer space, well listen boy if ye wants to live, then I never want to hear that name again or I will cut off yer pretty 'ead!" Jet growled, then dragged Spike off to his cabin and locked him away for the rest of the night, with no dinner. "Sorry boy, but there is no room at the Captain's Table for ye tonight!"

Although, Vicious was too nice and smuggled some food to Spike. Not to mention that the two talked for a while and became the best of friends again. "Oh Spike, kiss me! I'll be a bad doctor, you can call me Elliott or you can pretend I'm the bride from Kill Bill!" Vicious sighed.

"Woah Vicious, stop that!" Spike said.

"Um, okay. It's just that I haven't been getting any in a while." He said softly.

Spike shrugged; "Oh, what's the matter with Ms. Perfect?"

If I were you, I wouldn't see Julia right now, she's 800 tons with warts and pimples everywhere. Her skin is leathery and slimey too." Then he whispered; "She looks like a giant slug with blonde hair."

Spike wrinkled his nose; "What happened?"

"She ate this weird fruit that Don Patch brought back from the other side, then she just blew up. I think she'll be okay in a few more days." Vicious takes the dirty dishes and leaves the room.

Later that night, Ed had come in, she had come back from a bounty hunt. The tired redhead didn't notice Spike sound asleep on her bed. "Sleep on the floor Spike!" She snapped.

"NO! I don't want to sleep on the floor or the couch and besides this is my cabin!" Spike shouted.

"You mean that is our cabin now and I will make you my beloved husband! Wait, I mean, I'm still mad at you Miroku! Oh god Spike take me now! I want you inside me!" She said as she straddled him.

"I have a question, how do you turn into Sango?" He asked her.

"Well, how do you turn into Miroku?" She said unbuttoning her shirt.

"You have to pour cold water on me." He said trying to unloosen her belt, but she broke away from him and left.

Suddenly Ed came back with a pitcher of water and a bottle of sake. "You have to pour hot sake on me to get Sango."

Ed threw the water onto Spike and he was magically transformed into Miroku. The monk grabbed the bottle of sake from Eds hand and poured it all over her. Before him stood his beautiful Sango, suddenly the two embraced. "Oh Sango, I missed you so much!" They began to make love, until Miroku knocked over some cold sake onto Sango and she became Ed again. Miroku got a nice punch in the face. He went to go take a hot shower and transformed into Spike. Ed didn't want to see Spike for a while, so he went out of the room and walked down the hall where he heard some deep demonic laughter.

"Ooooga booga kinga binga." Said the deep voice.

"Oh dear! Master Vicious! Mistress Julia wants to see Master Spike." Ein said. "Mistress Julia, if you please, you're not a Hutt, you've just had a bad allergic reaction to that strange fruit Don Patch brought."

"Oh honey, you don't want to see Spike." Vicious said sweetly; "He just got back and he's tired."

"I want Spike Spiegel, bring him to me! or I will make you dance in that little gold bikini bottom, while you are on this leash!" The evil voice boomed.

"I'd sacrifice my dignity for my lover, I mean friend! I'll dance for you instead!" Vicious wept.

Spike peered into the room and saw a dais and on top of it, laying there was a big sluglike woman. It was Julia, his former angel, the one who used to make him feel alive. On the floor near the dais was Vicious dancing in a small gold bikini bottom with a chain around his neck.

The voice boomed; "Fee fi fo fum! I smell the blood of a green haired bounty hunter!"

A tentacle slithered through the crack in the door and wrapped around Spikes waist, suddenly the lunkhead was brought forth to her. "Ugh, hi Julia, I like what you did to your hair."

Ein gasped; "Oh dear!"

Julia opened her mouth and wanted to give Spike a slimey icky kiss, but Spike pulled away. "What's wrong Spike, don't you find me attractive anymore?"

"Ewwww!" Spike struggled; "Vicious, do something, I don't want to become an anime cliche! Don't make her rip off my boxers, they're pure silk!"

"Aww, I think you might enjoy it Spike!" Julia chuckled as her tentacles advanced towards Spike's tight white ass.

"Julia! Use your tentacles on me! I'm the closest thing to a school girl that you'll ever get and I like tentacles!" Vicious stopped dancing.

"No!" Julia took out her whip and flogged him, this made Spike angry.

Spike was in love with both Edward and Vicious, he somewhat cared for Julia, but Spike was mad that she was abusing him. Suddenly Spike's skin turned blood red and scaly, his eyes turned bright yellow, he grew fangs and claws. He began to grow bigger and dragon like, with huge black wings coming out of his back. The tentacles flew off and Spike started breathing fire and roaring.

Jet, Faye, and Ed were suddenly awakened, they looked at the dragon. "Edward, I can't let you see me like this. Please leave me, let me destroy Julia!"

Edward went over to the dragon and touched it's neck. "I'm not afraid of you." The dragon turned her head and licked Eds face. Ed hugged the dragons snout. "I know you're in there Spike."

Faye crossed her arms; "So this is the lunkheads dragon form."

The dragon growled. "One more crack Faye and I'll devour both you and your unborn child! I'm really hungry right now!"

Ed took a bucket of cold water and threw it on the dragon. "Watch him change."

Before them stood Miroku with his staff. "I know what is wrong with this woman."

Vicious wrapped a blanket around his shivering body. "What's wrong with her? Can you fix her Miroku?"

Miroku took out a sutra. "She had eaten the Demon Hutt Fruit of Nar Shada." He put the sutra on Julia and whacked her with his staff on the head. The hutt-like demon screamed and left Julia's body. Julia was back to normal and Ryuho was bitching and moaning in his Neither Region Office about getting another demon to take on the payroll.

"Thank you Miroku." Julia said, then hugged Vicious.

"Good, now this can go back to being the brig." Jet huffed. "Or if the Darling Mr. Spiegel screws up, this will be 'is new home, isn't that right, men?"

Everyone nodded in agreement as Miroku sighed; "I will give Spike that message. Now Edward, would you do me the honor of-" Suddenly Spike spoke. "Miroku, that woman is mine!" Then Miroku spoke; "Well, why can't we just get rid of the dragon and share your body." Spike snapped; "There's no way that I am sharing my body with you! You and Sango are going back to your original bodies!" Miroku asked Ed again. "Now Ed would you-"

In a heartbeat, Miroku was flat on the floor with a big red handprint on his face. "Not in a million years Monk! Besides, Sango says that she is very pissed off right now and so am I!" Ed said as she sauntered off.

**There is trouble a brewing...Above DBZ Land...**

"Sweet burning stars! I'm stuck in the worm hole! That damn Emperor Palpatine and his damn farts! Damn him to the lowest ring of Hell! I hope he's getting violated by a bunch of demons and I hope he's enjoying it!" A beautiful woman shouted as her ship was sent into the hole.She suddenly spotted a blue and green planet. "Ahh, this must be that place the orange sunlike thing was talking about!" Mara landed on a beautiful deserted island. "So This is Earth? What a dump! What a piece of crap!" She closed her eyes and used her power to guide her, "Wait. There are a few huge powers here and I feel that there is one on this island."

The Gisele Bundchen-esque Vegeta was sitting all alone on his private island, Bulma was still going out with Yamcha and it made him feel pretty down. How could he explain how he feels about her, damn his pride! It always gets in the way of his heart. As Vegeta pondered, he suddenly felt that he wasn't alone, he noticed a high power level. It was near the area where the sun always set.Mara approached quietly, the huge power was not too far from her. It was a muscular looking guy with very big hair. Vegeta finally spotted the source of the power, the figure was thin and shapely. Soon a muscular, but beautiful lady dressed in black leather emerged in front of him. She seemed very cool and catlike, her green eyes were the color of the purest jade, and her red gold hair matched the beautiful sunset behind her. Vegeta was bewitched by her beauty, but suddenly reality gave him a good smack in the head.

A skinny goth rock star who was wearing a giant clock around his neck rushed by and smacked him on the head with it. "Ooops! My bad! Daaaamn! I'm late, I need to get rid of another girl! Daaaamn, she fine! But I'm not feeling her, Mara Jade you are a big fat fake!"

Vegeta waved it off. "It's okay foofoo, I was in the way." Vegeta took another look at the woman who was coming towards him. "What are you thinking Vegeta! She's pretty. No, I can't there's someone else I love. I have feelings for Bulma." He said to himself. "Besides, she looks like a fucking Mary Sue. Better be on my guard."

"Excuse me, I know this is Earth, but where exactly am I?" She asked.

Vegeta growled, "Who the hell are you?" He put up his front like a woman at a bar who wants to avoid advances from some drunk.

Mara grumbled; "I am Mara Jade the Jedi Master, oh wait, I'm not a Jedi Master...yet. Damn you future father-in-law!"

Jet Black comes out of nowhere. "Hey! Don't you dare take my name in vain you little brat or I won't give you permission to marry Luke!"

"Get out of here Vader!" Mara yells.

"Don't you dare call me that!" Jet walks off in a huff. "Luke burned that ugly dog costume for me and I'm glad he did!"

Vegeta was now baffled. "Um, where are you from Mr. Jetta?"

"I am from Coruscant." The girl said.

Vegeta crossed his arms. "Coruscant? It sounds like some kind of flaky roll that looks like a crescent."

Mara rolled her eyes; "Shit, I'm lost."

"Lost, the best show on television. Watch it on ABC." Vegeta had to add that.

"What?" She asked. Guess, she wasn't familiar with tv.

He huffed; "Um, nothing. Well, you happen to be on an island in the DBZ Universe! I am Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyans. Well, I was a prince, but my planet got blown up by an evil tyrant, who I used to be one of his "Hands". But now I report only to Lord Goku, our leader. Well, uh, Nanu-nanu."

Mara scratched her head. "Um, Nanu-nanu. Excuse me, your worship, but I need to get back home because I got stuck in that stupid worm hole and I wound up here. I'm getting married and my fiance might go to extremes to find me. And I mean extremes, like virgins being sacrificed, dogs and cats living together, and rampant nose hair running lose across the galaxy."

"Bobobo is in charge of rampant nose hair! But no, I won't help you." He said as he turned away from her.

"Oh come on! My fiance may be a little crazy, scratch that, he's psychotic, but he loves me!" She stomped her foot.

Then Vegeta thought it over, it would give Bulma something else to do besides bitching and moaning at him for being a lazy ass. He turned back around; "Okay, I will bring you to someone who will help."

Mara gave a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness! When do we go?"

"Right now!" Vegeta grabbed her hand.

Mara yanked away. "Well, let me get my ship first and I'll follow you in yours."

Vegeta grabbed her again "I don't have a ship, besides, I have no time for that! You're coming with me!" He powered up and they took to the air.

Mara shouted; "Hey! Where are we going?"

Vegeta growled; "I'm taking you to see Bulma and her father. Now shut up."

Mara screetched in his ear; "Fine! Just as long as you don't drop me."

"Don't worry, I'll try not to." Vegeta sped off towards Capsule Corp with Mara still clinging to him.

They both landed at Capsule Corp, Vegeta went in and Mara followed him, she gazed at the giant garden with its assorted animals in wonder.

"Where were you Vegeta? I had your dinner all ready." A woman with blue hair snapped. Bulma's angry blue eyes met Mara's green ones. "Who the hell is this?"

Vegeta smirked, "This is Mara Jade, she's a Jetta."

Mara growled at Vegeta. "That's Jedi, you dolt!"

Bulma paused; "O rly?"

"Yea, r ly." Vegeta pointed to the blue haired beauty; "This is Bulma Briefs, the richest and smartest woman on Earth."

Bulma smiled as Vegeta said that. "Thank you Vegeta."

"Anything for you, my little cupcake." He secretly whispered.

Mara turned to the blue haired woman. "Hello Bulma, don't worry, I am not interested in your boyfriend. So you can calm down, you see I'm not a Mary Sue, besides I'm engaged."

Vegeta put up his front. "I'm not interested in either one of you, so don't get me started."

"Yeah, all you want to do is defeat the androids and Goku!" Bulma calmed down. "So Mara, how did you get here?"

"I got stuck in that stupid worm hole and I ended up here. Can you help me get home?"

Bulma's jaw dropped; "That damn wormhole! So you're one of the crazy people that Don Patch was talking about." Bulma then turned her attention to Vegeta. "Yamcha will be here soon, we're going to see Bobobo perform in Disco Inferno, a new musical. So, I'll just show Mara to her room, before I go."

"She's not staying here!" Vegeta barked.

Bulma snapped back. "Vegeta, how could you be so cold! She has nowhere else to go!"

Vegeta rolled his eyes; "Fine. Just as long as she stays away from me!"

"Thank you. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" She placed a kiss on his cheek and departed with Mara.

Vegeta flew out the door, he needed to clear his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about Bulma, but there was something else. Kakarott, that thorn in his side that he needed to be rid of. Well, that was actually nothing, he just wants to fight the stupid androids. He flew until he spotted a Krispy Kreme, inside he saw his friends.

Vegeta sat next to a man in a long red coat who was sitting with a guy in a long black coat. "Hey Vash!" Said the guy in black.

The guy in the red coat looked up. "Yeah?"

He saw the other guy removing the black coat. "Wanna trade? I hate this black coat!"

Vash removed his duster. "Love too! I always wanted yours!"

Vegeta laughed, then he took a glance at the three women that sat near them. "Hi Vash, Vicious, Merrill, Julia, and Millie. I'd knew I would find you here."

Vash patted him on the back, "Hey Vegeta, what's up?"

Vegeta turned around. "Bulma trouble."

Julia moved on to Vicious' lap. "Stop playing hard to get, Sweetie."

Vicious put his arms around her waist. "Yeah, if you do that she'll come around." He gives Julia a kiss. "Just like you did. I'm glad Spike is lusting after Edward, I'm also double glad that Jet knocked up Faye, so Spike won't have her. Anyway for your information, Spike is still possessed and the reason why he wants Ed is because he's very obsessed with redhaired women. He wants her badly. He's told me over 5,000 times and he doesn't care about Julia anymore, hardly even talks to her and when he does talk to her, he's not nice. He likes to make fun of her and he's tried to kill her a few times too."

Julia sighed. "Like hiding a gun in a tuna sandwich, offering me a live box of grenades instead of chocolates and I thought our son Dewey was a fruitcake."

"Don't you ever mention Dewey Novak Ayanami! That kid is sick, he tried to kill me because of what I am!" Vicious had sunglasses on hiding his pink-purple eyes.

Julia whispered in his ear. "I love what you are, just as much as Renton loves Eureka."

This was also the place for juicy gossip and Vicious knew everything, since he was the Anime World's only gossip columist, master of disguise, and paparazzo.

Vegeta's eyes widened; "Jet got Faye pregnant? I can't wait to tell Bulma about this."

"Yeah!" Vicious shouted; "And Spike is still cursed. Julia just had to throw him into The Well of The Drowned Lecherous Monk and Pissed Off Red Dragon!"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, I was trying to impress you baby, that's all!" Julia whined.

"I wasn't impressed, he almost ate us!" Vicious crossed his arms.

"Hey, at least he has the spirit of Miroku and Ed has the spirit of Sango. But Spike and Ed want to bring Miroku and Sango back from the dead." Vash said.

"Um, yeah, Inuyasha is thinking of some way to get the bodies back." Vicious looked like he was hiding something.

Vegeta shrugged; "Well, Great God Kazuma is in dying stage, he can cast a spell to bring Miroku and Sango back."

"There's not enough time, tomorrow will be Halloween and Kazuma will die. Then we will have to wait until Spring." Merril said.

"I think Kazuma has strength left to banish the dragon, but not Miroku and Sango." Vicious stirred his coffee slowly.

"Well, at least Spike will be partially himself." Stewie Griffin said as he passed by.

"But I don't want Miroku and Sango to be banished, they're my friends." Vicious whined.

"Isn't Spike a witch, can't he just exorcize them from his own body and Eds too?" Vash asked.

Vicious shrugged; "Yeah Spike is a witch, but not a Pagan God like Kazuma. Spike doesn't have the power to get rid of spirits in his body."

"So how's Ryuho doing?" Vegeta asked.

Vicious sighed; "He's okay. Ryuho was appointed Lord of the Neither regions, but he doesn't have horns and a pitchfork, he just does what his friend Kazuma or his wife Kanami tells him what to do and he does it. Like help pass judgement and to throw awful people in the Neithers."

"Can we stop talking about religion, please?" Millie asked.

"Okay." Vicious said.

"Well, Kazuma was losing too many body parts to his Alter that he just regenerated into a god who is a teenager in the Spring, full grown man in the Summer, middle-aged in the Fall, then dies an old man on Halloween, killed by his father. Now a god must have a goddess, so he battled Ryuho for Mimori, he won and Ryuho was defeated, then Kanami wed him. Mimori goes through the cycle now too, except for dying, she becomes a Crone in the Winter and waits for her beloved Kazi to return in Spring through Canti." Vicious explained.

"Stop talking about Kazuma, we don't want to be reminded!" Vegeta snapped. "Wait? What happened to Kanami?"

Vash shrugged; "Kanami happens to be the Uber Goddess herself, she grew up and became a goddess, she has say over who does what. She was the one who punished that idiot Palpatine for farting and putting that giant wormhole in our galaxy. Don Patch has been through the hole and he says it's all too wierd."

"Enough, so tell me, what's going on with Spike." Vegeta asked.

Vicious sighed; "Well, Spike is going to have one of those DNA tests done on some talk show. He's also going to have Edward tested to see if she's really his sister. He wants to make sure that Appledelhi is wrong. You see, he's really in love with her and not Faye, because screwing Faye is like screwing a female version of me. I wish that Edward girl was a bit older, she looks like a female version of Spike. Oh, I would like to...Um, Spike and I had sex once when we were in the Red Dragons, um, we were experimenting."

Julia looks dreamy eyed. "I'm dreaming of a nice threesome, just me, Vicious, and Faye. Two Vickichans for the price of one!"

Vicious gave her a small slap. "Get over yourself! We're not having a threeway!"

"But I want one! We need some spice in our marriage! Besides, what about you, Ed, and Spike?" Julia snapped.

"Okay, maybe we will have one with Faye, but you have to let me have one with Spike and Edward." Vicious snapped back.

"Why, it works for me and the insurance girls." Vash ordered three dozen donuts and six cups of coffee. "Hey, would you like to share my donuts? These are so good!"

Vegeta grabbed a donut and picked at it, "Vash, don't you know these things are bad for you. Well, that's what Dr. Digi Max says."

Vash grabbed a bunch. "Excuse me Gisele Bundchen, you can eat anything and still look good. But these don't hurt me one bit. Besides, I don't LISTEN TO CGI CHARACTERS!"

"Oh Gods, here comes Spike."

Spike comes in and smacks Vash on the head. "Needlenoggin, you know the rules!"

Spike leaves in a huff, but before that Vicious slaps him on the ass; "That makes me so hard, Spike I want you! Take me Spike! Take me! Take me! I want you to ride me like a bronco, you hot cowboy!"

"Oh my Goddess! Vicious will you stop it!" Spike snapped.

Julia wasn't really paying any attention. "Slut."

Vash also slaps Spike on the rump; "You're still attracted to him?"

"Yes, I am in a way, I love men with green hair." Vicious grabs some donuts for Julia and himself. "Um yeah. So Vegeta are you anorexic or something?"

"No, but thanks for the Gisele compliment, she's my hero." Vegeta shrugged, "You know, I love Bulma, but I don't know how to tell Bulma that I love her. Also we have a new house guest, some girl who went through that stupid wormhole in our galaxy. Can Kazuma fix it?"

"He can't, Kazuma is doing banishing spells, but he's a bit weak!" Someone snapped.

"We can ask the Dragon." Someone suggested.

"That is so cliche, we're always bothering that poor dragon, let's just get rid of this Mara Jade." Vegeta said.

Vash gave him a devilish look. "Really, is this girl pretty? Maybe she could be my wife."

Suddenly a fist came down on Vash's head. "Forget it Broom Head! You already have two wives."

Vash waved, "Hi Merrill sweetie!"

Vicious rolled his eyes; "We are changing the subject again! Damn, will you guys stop this!"

Vegeta watched the squabble. "Forget it. She's engaged to be married to this guy who can read minds, use Ouija Boards, and levitate things. They call them Jetta Knights."

"Volkswagon Warriors?" Vash asked.

"I don't know if they have Volkswagons in Star Wars World." Vegeta said.

Millie came over to Vegeta. "The simple thing is to tell Bulma."

"Hey! Doesn't it seem that we are jumping topics. Okay, let's go back to my Bulma Trouble." Vegeta shook his head, "You know, I should tell Bulma that I love her. Now guys, tell me what's going on with Spike and has he seen an exorcist yet?"

"This again?" Vicious laughed; "Spike must have seen 7 different priests, and they're afraid of him. The Trinity Blood People are afraid of him. Naraku even has a restraining order against him to stay 1000 feet away from him and his wife Kikyo. Jet took him to see Old Man Bull, nothing worked. You see when Spike goes beserk, he turns into a dragon. That's part of the curse. The only way to cool him off is with cold water, which turns him into Miroku. The only way to get Spike back to normal is to pour hot water on him. But Spike still retains the monk's personality in normal form. Ed and Sango seem to be working together just fine though."

Julia sighed; "Poor Spike Spiegel will never be the same...for a while... I did good!"

"Yep." Said Vicious.

"Yep." Said Vash.

"Yep." Said Vegeta.

"Uh huh." Said Boomhauer, who left in a rush with two blondes on his arm as he got into a car with Glenn Quagmire.

"A foursome! All right! Giggity! Giggity! Goo!"

**Meanwhile, in another area of town at a quiet Japanese restaurant.**

Yamcha plays with his ramen, then stops. "Bulma, I love you. But we need to break up."

Bulma starts to cry. "Yamucha?"

"It's Yamcha, my name is Yamcha, not Yumcha or Yamucha, it's Yamcha!"

"I'm sorry honey."

Yamcha touches her cheek, "Don't cry, it was meant to be. We'll still be good friends. You see, I feel that there is someone else that loves you and he's struggling to tell you his feelings. I've seen how he looks at you, Bulma he's the one that you wanted to wish for in the first place."

Bulma nods, "Yes, but he has his pride."

Yamcha touches her hand, "No, if you love him, you must fight for him. You've always had a fighting spirit. Go out and get him, let nothing stand in your way. Go and pimp slap the pride out of him! MAKE HIM YOUR BITCH! Uh, oh, here comes Spike."

Spike slaps Yamcha across the face. "YOU KNOW THE RULES BOY! Continue."

Bulma squeezes Spikes ass before he walks off.

"Why are you guys doing that?" Yamcha asked.

"Spike's a good luck charm, if you pat him on the ass, you either win the lottery, get married or have a baby." She gives Yamcha a smile;

Spike waits patiently; "Well, aren't you going to touch it Yamcha, come on, just one slap. It may be your lucky day." Then Spike does the Shin Chan Ass Dance. "Ass Dance! Slap it! Smack it! Squeeze it! Please it! Bite it! Kiss it!...Just touch it for Christsake!"

Yamcha smacks Spike's ass and he walks away. "Nice ass Spike."

"Shut up!"

"You're right Yamcha, you've been such a good friend. By the way, do you have someone?"

"Oh yeah, some chick with grey eyes named Callista Ming that came through that stupid wormhole. I tell you, she's a great cook and one hell of a lay!"

**Somewhere on the Bebop. **

A young woman with red gold hair receives a call on her computer as a Corgi sits on her lap. "You are speaking to Ed here on the Bebop."

"Mara is that you?" The guy asked. "Why do you have yellow eyes? Have you gone...Sith? Bad girl! Just wait until I get you back home! I want you to tie me to the bed and spank me as hard as you can! Luke has been a bad boy and he needs to be spanked!"

"What! Excuse me mister?" Ed rubbed her head, there was some guy on the ship by the name of Spike that was really getting on her nerves. "My name is Edward."

A man with green hair sat next to her. "Make that the future Mrs. Edward Spiegel."

Luke smirked; "Who is that sexy piece of man with you Mara? Are you having an affair? I want in! I want to have a threesome!"

"No way you sick bastard! This my man and I keep him to myself!" The woman shouts. "And you! I'd rather die a horrible death than marry you and have your spawn! Well, not until we see your brother!"

"One day you will be my bride, then you'll carry my seed." He kisses her passionately and bites her neck.

She pushes him off. "Let go of me you freak! No wait, how about later, no! Oh Kanamisama, I need to be strong and fight temptation! Spike, baby, I am not some airheaded bimbo or some stupid Mary Sue or some Feminazi, I know I want you, but not right now! I'm on the phone! Go away Spike!"

"You will belong to me." He says, then slithers off into the shadows.

The girl shook it off, lit a cigarette, and remained cool, but then something made her sigh. "Oh, what a man."

"CAN I HAVE JET BLACK PLEASE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU'RE HAVING BOY TROUBLES LADY, JUST GIVE ME JET BLACK NOW! I WANT MY DADDY!" A man's voice said frantically.

"I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO USES CAPS!" Spike came back in and screamed at the monitor.

Ed squeezed Spikes ass really hard. "I'll take my wish later Spike."

"Fuck you!" The man shouted.

"Fuck you back!" Spike growled, sat next to Edward and put his arm around her, then groped her breast and looked at her lustfully. "I'd rather fuck you instead, is now a good time?

Spike was met with a nice slap on the face. "Maybe when you become a gentleman Spike, then you can be my boyfriend. So you can fuck me long and hard all you want."

"There is no such thing as a gentleman and you miss are no lady." Spike got closer to her.

"Shut up Spiegel or I will wake you up from that dream myself!" The cool female kept her composure and answered back. "I'll put him on sir." She growled at Spike; "I'll deal with you later!"

Jet answered the call, "This is Jet Black what do you want?"

"Daddy? Daddy, is that you?" The man calmed down. "Um, yeah. My fiance got lost in this wormhole that opened in our galaxy. She might be on a planet called Earth in Dragonball World. If you find her, I'll give you 500 million for her return and I'll make sure they're Woolongs."

"This calls for a celebration!" Spike grabbed Edward, threw her to the couch, pinned her down, and started dry humping her. "Edward my love! You have become such a beautiful woman! Give yourself to me now!"

"Hentai! Ecchi! Pervert! You lech! Oh Goddess, take me to the bedroom, I want you inside me! Possess me! No! Don't you dare!" She shouted.

Spike sped up. "But Honey, I need you, my biological clock is ticking."

"What? I am not a fucking incubator! All you have on your brain is sex and babies! Where in Hell is the Spike Spiegel that used to hate kids, pets, and women with attitude?" She pleaded.

"He's somewhere in there, but right now he can't be reached, I'll leave him a message." He said sarcastically.

"Spike please, stop trying to hump Edward! I'm on the phone." Jet shouted.

"Don't worry Jet, I can handle this, I'm a big girl!" Edward struggled; "Get off me, you horny, green haired, odd eyed weirdo that sees the past in one eye and in the present in the other! Oh please! Rip off my clothes and take me now! No! I won't let you get to me! Maybe I should get Vicious to wake you up from this stupid dream!"

"It won't work! Vicious and I, are friends again! Oooohhh! I love it when you're angry Sango!" Oops.

"I knew it was you Miroku! I can't let you have me like this! Oh, I can't wait until Inuyasha gets the dragonballs from Vegeta!" Ed's face turned very red.

Spike suddenly flew through the air and landed against a wall.

Ed went to her room leaving Spike out cold on the floor with a big lump on the head.

Mugen appears and shakes his head. "The boy ain't right. Where did I go wrong? Was I a good father? It's all Yatsuha's fault, she spoils the brat and Kazuma, the brat I had with Fuu. That kid is also not right either, why did I raise such weird kids. Well, as for my brother Roger, he can't get his brat Van out of the house. It's Angel's fault, that damn woman." Mugen walks away mumbling.

Luke continued; "Well, are ya gonna take the job or not?"

Jet and Faye smiled. "We'll take it!" They said in unison.

**The former Imperial Palace on Coruscant, the old throne room. **

A blonde haired man wearing a black cloak sits on a throne. He gets up and observes four people, two women, and two men, plus a dog on a platform. He strides over to a tall man with a mechanical arm, "State your name bounty hunter."

"I am your father..." The bounty hunter said in a deep voice. "Call me daddy! Call me daddy!"

"What?" The guy asked.

"Call me daddy!" Jet shouted. "Call me daddy!"

Faye cringed; "Honey, not now!"

Jet regained his composure and spoke; "I am the reincarnation of Anakin, you know, Jet Black. I am the one that you talked to. These are my partners, Spike, Faye, Edward, and Ein our Corgi. There's two more of us, but they decided not to go. You see Vicious is a gossip collumist, he's too busy hunting anime celebrities and his wife, DiCaprio is our mechanic and sometimes chef, she's making some repairs to the Bebop before lunch."

The guy grabs Jet and hugs him. "Oh daddy, I missed you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah, calm down kid." Jet let go of the guy and he started to imitate his daddy.

He goes to Spike. "You may use any method necessary. But I want her alive. No disintegrations!"

Spike nods; "We'll just knock her out cold. I'll have this one in the sack! Hehe, sack." Gazes sexily at Ed, who rolls her eyes. "I love redheads!" Spike takes another look at the picture and smirks.

Edwards face turns red; "Monk! When angels fall from Heaven, they become devils, isn't that right Spike?"

"Aww Edward and Sango, I didn't mean that! Miroku is giving me bad thoughts!" Spike shivered.

Luke screams and hides behind Jet. "Daddy, there was this mean lady named Akanah and she, she hurt me Daddy! She hurt me really bad! She did very bad things to me! She did Glen Quagmire-like things to me!" 

Jet pats his head. "Okay, I'll make a note to have her thrown into the Neither Regions when she dies. I know Kanami will listen, even if she is a busy woman."

"Thank you Daddy!" Luke hugged him, then went back to whatever he was doing.

"Where were we Spike? This child is yours!" Faye shouts.

Spike bops her on the head. "No, it's not! I have never had sex with you! You slept with Dork Vader over there, because you have a thing for men with mechanical arms!"

"You little brat! That's not how a boy from Hogwarts acts! Why can't you be like that nice Harry Potter boy? Instead, you act like that Draco brat! How dare you bite the hand that feeds you! Wait until I tell Mugen and Yatsuha, they won't be happy!"

Faye slaps him aside the head. "How dare you make fun of Annie!"

"Woman! Never call me that name or your days will be numbered!"

"I hope you didn't have sex with Faye, Spike. I am the one who keeps you alive and I am the only one who will kill you." Edward snarled.

"EDWARD YOU LITTLE BITCH!" He shouted; "THE BRAT ISN'T MINE, IT'S VADERS, I MEAN ANNIES, I MEAN ANIS, I MEAN ANAKINS, I MEAN JETS! I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF THAN HAVE SEX WITH FAYE AND HAVE HER GIVE BIRTH TO MY SPAWN!"

"Spike, please stop screaming in caps!" Edward snapped.

"Stop talking like Vicious, Edward!"

"Is it true daddy? Am I going to have a new baby brother or sister?" Luke asked sweetly.

"Yes it is." Jet said hopefully.

Luke looked at him with giant blue eyes. "Oh daddy, I do hope you marry Faye."

"Spike, I'm leaving you for Jet...He's more of a man than you'll ever be...Goodbye."

"Faye FYI, THERE WAS NEVER ANYTHING BETWEEN US, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SKANK! Besides, we are so cliche! I'm happy that we are not a couple! I would do anything for Ed, even get unpossessed for her! Edward and I belong together! I love Edward! Not because she is a redhead, but because, she's a free spirit, so full of life, and she's prettier than you! I want that, I need to feel alive again and Ed is the one who will bring it back to me. She's a lot like me! She doesn't dress like a prostitute either!"

"Fuck off Faye! Spike is mine!" Edward turned her head and smiled a little when she heard that.

"Good! You and that fire crotch over there go live happily ever after in your little lunkhead dreamland! Besides, I am tired of you! Jet is classier and I am stealing Vicious away from you, he is forbidden to have you as a friend!"

"You bitch! That's for Vicious to decide!"

Vicious pops in. "You are both my friends!" Then walks away.

"See that you old hag! Old hag! Old hag. Old hag. Old hag." Spike chants.

Faye goes nuts and starts to strangle Spike. "That is not a nice thing to say Spike!"

"Get your filthy paws off my Spike you whore, I'm not your friend!" Ed roared and pulled Faye's hair.

"Spike, Edward, and my beloved Padme, I mean Faye, please stop fighting!" Faye releases Spike.

Although, Ed still wants to rip out Faye's hair until Spike pulls her off. "Don't touch that thing, you don't know where it's been. You don't know if Jet had the suit on during sex."

"Oh god Spike, I would never ever put that ugly thing on as long as I live!" Jet snapped.

"Hey Luke, you told me Vader was alive? Where is that fucking son of a bitch, I'm going to smash his mask and rip out his life support along with his black heart!" A voice shouted.

Jet smirked. "What mask and life support? As you can see, I'm back to being a meatbag like you!"

"You're still ugly as ever." Suddenly Han Solo and Leia walk in.

"Bite my ass Han! Bite my ass!" Jet snapped.

Spike goes to Leia, who is wearing a Lois Griffin Wig. He takes his hand in hers. "Excuse me miss?"

Leia blushes. "Yes, what do you want?"

He rubs her ass. "Will you do me the honor of bearing my children?"

Ed is now red in the face as she watches Spike, she clenches her fist. "Monk!"

Han starts to growl as Leia holds him back, and she's very pissed. She slugs Spike, sending him flying through the air, then he crash lands into a wall. She fires her blaster at him, then yells before she and her husband depart. "Next time, I won't miss!"

"Will you please stop it?" The red haired girl snapped. "You have to excuse my possessed future boyfriend, ever since DiCaprio pushed him into The Well of The Drowned Lecherou Monk and Pissed Off Red Dragon. He's been really out of it."

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" Spike got angry, so angry that he did indeed turn into a dragon. His skin turned red and scaly, his eyes became yellow, horns popped out of his head, he grew large fangs and claws. Not to mention that he had gigantic black demon's wings sprouting from his back and a huge tail. Also he was breathing flames, he started screaming and he had to take his anger out on somebody. "CURSE YOU FAYE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF WHITE TRASH!"

Faye started laughing; "White Trash? Before I came here, I was a daughter of a senator from Singapore and my mother was a UN Ambassador to the United States. Not too mention that in a past life, I was the Queen of Naboo and a senator to Naboo, it was good, until Jet killed me."

"That was Palpatines fault! Not to mention that I thought you were fooling around with Ben." Jet shrugged; "But that's in the past, I don't care about it anymore."

Suddenly Vicious appeared with Julia, Julia got down on her knees in front of Jet and said sorry in a Japanese kind of way; "Anakin, I'm so glad you've forgiven me, besides I wouldn't touch that Padme bitch with a 50ft pole!" Then Vicious grabbed Julia and put two fingers to his head and vanished.

"So that's how he comes and goes so quickly! Goku must show me that!" Jet said in a huff.

Suddenly a beautiful girl with long Autumn Gold hair, crystaline blue eyes, and fair flawless skin mysteriously appeared. She wore beautiful black Saiyan armor and had white angels wings. When she walked, it was as if she was floating.

"OH GREAT A FUCKING MARY SUE! OH MAN, I AM SO HUNGRY!" Spike snapped.

Both Ed and Faye rolled their eyes they sighed and said in unison. "Here we go."

She came up to the dragon and smiled. "My name is Megami Hortense Porco, I am the Daughter of Prince Vegeta and Princess Serenity."

"Usagi! I would never touch you if you were the last woman in The Anime Universe!"

"Ditto Vegeta! The bitch is lying!"

"Shut up you two! I am part Saiyan, part Namekian, part Hobbit, part Elf, part Romulan, part Zeltron, part Human, part Venusian, part Klingon, part Vulcan, part Unicorn, and part Evangelion Angel. I am a princess from a far away planet and I will marry you, because I am very powerful. You see I excel at everything I do and I am highly intelligent than Edward, because I am perfect!"

"Hey, that is an insult, do you have a death wish?" Ed snapped.

Jet said darkly. "You do have feelings for him?"

"No I don't Jet!" She snapped.

"Search your feelings you know it to be true!" He shouted.

Ed ran under a catwalk and pondered.

"Oh daddy not that again." Luke said.

"Well, it is the truth my son." Jet said.

Jet continued his verbal assault on Ed. "You are hiding them from him. You do have feelings for the boy. If Faye won't become his girlfriend, which she won't, then perhaps you will!"

"Never!" Ed screamed and rushed at Jet with a frying pan, Jet blocked her with a rolling pin. Emotional music started playing during the duel.

The rolling pin and frying pan duel lasted for three minutes, then Jet was cornered by the angry girl. Ed came down with the pan and knocked the pin out of Jets hand. Jet held up his real arm. "Woah kid! I just got that arm fixed, come on, I don't feel like losing it again!"

Ed threw the pan aside. "You're right, I am in love with the son of a bitch."

The dragon sighed and little pink hearts flew above his/her head.

"But first, I want to get the real Spike Spiegel back. That sweet apathetic guy who is the most laziest thing in the galaxy. The man who hates kids, pets, and women with attitude, the man who smokes like a damn chimney and drinks like a fish. Just as long as you respect me, then I will be your girlfriend, just as long as we get that curse lifted." Ed said as tears rolled down her face.

"I hope so too." The dragon smiled, licked her face with her tongue, and held Ed in an embrace.

Ed was pushed aside, which made Spike growl. "Back off! Spike Spiegel is mine, he belongs to me!" The girl shouted, then continued as she rubbed the dragon's snout. "And I am much more prettier than Faye or Julia. We'll live happily ever after, you'll be a prince and I'll finally be a queen. We'll happily rule our kingdom over a peaceful and beautiful planet that is filled with flowers, dancing, and revelry. We'll have beautiful children together. So what do you say Spike, will you come with me? It's better than staying with that old hag."

Ed growled. "I am not an old hag!"

"How dare you insult this girl." Faye snarled and grabbed her Katana, she decided to adopt one. "You will shed tears of scarlet!"

Julia steps in wearing Vicious' clothes and a Vicious wig, she too was wielding a Katana. "You will cry red tears!"

Julia and Faye got together and posed. "We're two of a kind! We are The Agaha Vicious Squad! So in the name of Truth, Freedom, Beauty, and Love! We shall destroy you!"

Vicious who was dressed up as Julia, um grabs Vicious by the waist. "Come back to the bedroom sweetheart, Dr. Pill says that role reversal and fantasy play during sex is good for a healthy marriage."

"Yes, dear." Julia rolls her eyes and leaves with Vicious.

"Wait!" Jet snaps; "Julia, I thought you were repairing the Bebop?"

"I was and now it's finished and make your own lunch!" Julia and Vicious walk away.

Jet shrugs; "Damn you and your weird sex lives!"

Luke held onto Jet. "Daddy, can you make the bad Mary Sue go away? Can't you choke her with the Force daddy? She's scaring meeeeee!"

"Sorry Luke, when I was reborn, Kanami stripped me of all power, but she gave me a great mind though."

"I think I will take you up on your offer." The dragon said.

Ed smirked; "She's done for."

"We'll start right now, I can't wait to start planning the wedding!" She said happily.

The dragon grumbled. "How about dinner first?"

Sparkles surrounded the girl. "Where do you want to go, I can teleport us there."

"I was thinking right here, my dear, we can have a picnic." The dragon snickered.

"Well, what's on the menu?" She asked.

"YOU!" The dragon growled and threw her against the wall, he flew over to her and punched her a few times. "Foolish Mary Sue! Do you think I could be tempted by all that foul drek you were saying? You will never come between me and my beloved Ed! Besides, my dragon form happens to be female!"

"But I love you with all of my heart! My love is eternal." The Mary Sue croaked out. "Besides, I can't die."

"That's very nice, well, I'm just going to see how sweet you really are." Spike bit off her head and chewed it. "Hmm, needs something else."

Ed cracked a smile as she watched. "Spike! It's dinner time! Eat up sweetie!"

Spike started to feast on the Mary Sue's very perfect and very dead body. Picture Eva 01 eating the angel, you get the idea. Suddenly he stopped; "Wait, this is not done, do you have any ketchup or relish or A-101 or maybe some Gay Poopon? I also need salt, pepper, lemon, lime, saffron, ginger, mugwort, mint, lavender, chilli peppers, and Teriyaki sauce." Luke hands the condiments, herbs, and spices to the dragon, who pours everything on his meal, then he cooks it, and takes a bite. "This is delicious." Spike's eyes glowed white with joy as he continued his feast.

Van steps in. "Stupid cousin of mine, you're stealing my act!"

"You're the rip-off! Get out my face you Spike Spiegel homunculus!" Spike whacks Van with his tail and sends him flying. "So long loser!"

"Oh my Goddess! He's eating the angel!" Faye shouted.

"He's taking the MP3008 engine into him! I knew this would happen!" Jet shouted.

Ed laughed at the sight. "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup! Bitch!"

Faye came up to Jet, "She really does love him, doesn't she?"

"All it takes is time and I hope someway, we can get Spike back to his normal self." He whsipered.

Spike started howling like a wolf and they couldn't do anything until he/she was finished with his/her meal.

"Aren't we supposed to be saddened that the Mary Sue died?" Luke asked.

"Why? She tried to steal Spike from me! Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Ed shouted.

"Ding, dong, the bitch is dead!" Faye laughed.

The dragon suddenly got woozy. "Oh, my tummy hurts, she was too sweet!"

Ed rubbed his/her snout. "My poor baby, what can I do for you?"

"Get out of the way my love, I am about to hurl!" The dragon threw up the Mary Sue who was intact and covered in saliva.

The saliva was magically cleaned off and the Mary Sue was perfect again. "You naughty boy Spike! I told you that I can't die."

Ed sighed. "There is one thing to do." She took out her cellphone and called someone. "Hey, I found the perfect girl for you, come right over!"

A few seconds later, there was whistling, and the sounds of a horse. "My name is Andy or was it Mushashi? Miss Ed, you told me that you found me a wife, where is she?"

Ed pointed to the Mary Sue. "She's right there."

Andy grabbed the Mary Sue who was kicking and screaming, "Oh yeah, I'll have her tied to the stove, making me pancakes, while she's barefoot and pregnant! Just kidding Dollface, I do the cooking and I am rich as hell, all you got to do is make me a good wife and pop out some young'ins."

"Let go of me you redneck!"

"Hogwash, I'm just an old fashioned cowboy or was I a Samurai?"

"Sorry Mary Sue, but your time is up." Edward opens a champagne bottle and drinks it. "And no champagne for you!"

They took off in a flash and everyone waved goodbye.

"Hey Luke, wanna see something cool?" Ed said.

Luke jumped around like a little kid. "Yeah! Show me!"

Ed fetched a bucket of water. "That was his beserk form. You want to see his monk form?" Ed takes the bucket of very cold water and throws it on Spike.

"Oh! I'm melting! Melting! You little brat! How could a sexy girl like you destroy my beautiful wickedness! Oh what a world! What a world! Ohhhhhhhh!" Dragon Spike fades and he turns into a black haired version of himself wearing purple and blue robes. He also comes with a staff. "My good man, we will do all that is necessary to rescue your beautiful fiance."

"Now you will see his true form!" Ed shouts and grabs a kettle of hot water, which she pours on Miroku Spike. Revealing the Spike everyone knows and loves.

Spike rushed to Ed. "Did you really mean what you said?"

"Um, maybe." Ed said in a cool tone.

"You were lying to me! It was all a lie! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Spike started crying.

Jet slapped his head; "Please, I don't want to hear that tone ever again! No Wilhelm Scream! That made me look like such a cheesy coward! Oh Wonderful Uber Goddess Kanami! Oh Awesome Goddess Mimori and Great God Kazuma! Damn you Ryuho! Why? Why? Why? Why did that horrible fat man in plaid put me up to that, I feel so, ugh, ashamed. I was such a bad dog! Bad Dog No Biscuit! Oh Padme! I'm so sorry!"

Faye put her arms around Jet. "It's okay, Jet. Besides, you were tricked by that evil fart bag Palpatine."

"Yes dear, Palpatine was indeed the biggest fart bag in the galaxy. He's in the neither regions, and was reborn as a brainless school girl/pop star/heiress who is now being used as a sexual playting for tentacled demons. I bet he's enjoying it too, I hope he is enjoying it. Making me dress up like a dog, keeping me as a slave. But now, I am The Black Dog, once I bite, I never let go and also, I can do whatever I please and this time, I am the boss! That pig, I hope he's really enjoying it."

Somewhere in the neither regions...You could hear, "No! No! Not again! Please! No! Stop! Why do I like this so much? Oh yes! More! More! More! Harder! Harder! Faster! Faster! More tentacles please and make them bigger this time! I hope Lumiya joins me here as well, the demons are wonderful!"

"Well, at least he got his happy ending, just like us. Come here kid and give your mama a hug!"

"Mommy!" Luke grabbed Faye and hugged her.

Suddenly that sad music from Excel Saga started playing, the room was painted in rainbow colors and sparkles and red roses. "You don't really love me!"

Faye smirked. "Spike is a spinister! Spike is an old hag! Spike is going to die a lonely old man surrounded by cats! Spike is a wicked old witch!"

Jet grabbed Faye by the neck. "Remember this Padme? If you make one more insult to Spike and his beliefs, I will kill you again!"

"H-Honey, remember The Three Fold Law! The Three Fold Law! Harm None! Don't get seduced by the Dark Side of the Force again, even if they offer you cookies!"

"Daddy! Don't hurt mommy!"

Jet lets go of Faye. "Sorry dear. But I wanted cookies!"

"Oh Honey, I'll make you your chewy dark chocolate cookies shaped like doggies!"

Jet cheered. "Yay Padme!"

Suddenly Spike started sobbing heavily. "Everyone, I'll be on the Bebop in my room, slowly dying of a broken heart! Drowning in gallons of Ben and Jerrys!" Spike rushed off in shiny tears and Sakura petals.

Ed chased after him. "No, Spike! I'm sorry! I do love you! Spike please! I love you! Spike please come back!"

Luke Skywalker takes off the cloak. "Um, okay, you can get to work. And I thought my friends were crazy."

Jet points to Luke. "Um, what was with the cape?"

Luke grins at them. "Nothing, I don't wear a cloak of this color. This is actually a table cloth. I am just making fun of my old man. Oh, wait, you're my old man."

Jet takes Luke over his knee and spanks him. "I told you, no more making fun of me!"

"I'm sorry daddy! I'll never hurt you again!" Luke cries.

Faye scolds Jet. "Stop hitting him, you're making him cry!"

"Shut up woman! Or do you want to get choked again?" He hissed.

"Just be gentle, okay and save some for me!" She told him.

**Back at Capsule Corp.  
**  
Vegeta comes back to Capsule Corp where he composed a note, he left it on the table in the kitchen. "B. Meet me in the garden at midnight. Love, V."

Then Vegeta heard a crash and some cursing, he went to see what the problem was.

Vegeta saw Inuyasha in the Library, holding a candle stick!

"Hey Inuyasha, what are you doing in my library with a candle stick?"

"Looking for Dragonballs."

"Oh, Okay." Vegeta hands Inuyasha a very heavy Shaw's paper bag. "There's all of them."

"Don't you need them?"

"Nope."

"What about immortality?"

"Fuck it, if we die, we die. No big loss, we get to hang out with Kanami and Ryuho and Kazuma and Mimori in that Summerland Place. This place is filled with movie palaces that never close and never get hit with wrecking balls. It also has some candy stores and a lot of fun stuff, not to mention beautiful fields and untouched beauty. Practically flawless. But the bad ones go straight to the Neither Regions for punishment, until Ryuho and Kanami decide what to do with the worthless carcasses. The Neither Regions is nothing but a barren field and it's filled with cineplexes, tentacled nasties, and one Starbucks that is always busy and overpriced."

"Um, okay, thanks." Inuyasha left the house. "I think Kakarott is trying to call you."

"Okay." Vegeta sits on the couch, he closes his eyes and chants. "Vegeta calling Goku, come in Goku. Vegeta calling Goku, come in Goku."

Vegeta is transported to a dark room where he is in full Saiyan attire dancing the Macarena. "La dee da da da."

"Vegeta?" Said the voice of Goku.

"Da dum dee dee."

"Vegeta!"

"Oh sorry, Your Niceness, I was doing a little dance called The Macarena."

"Ugh Vegeta, not that! That went out with Furbys, now shut up and get on with your report!"

"Well sir, I am in love!"

"In love? Don't tell me, my oldest friend, the Earth Woman known as Bulma?"

"Yes sir!"

"Then that kid from the future will be born."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing Vegeta. Um, so when are you going to tell her?"

"Tonight sir."

"That's good, very good. Um Vegeta, isn't this a bit weird, we're talking like friends and I'm your superior."

"Well sir, I'm not a really a prince, our planet was destroyed a long time ago. So, it doesn't really matter, it's just a front I put up. You know, that stupid pride."

"Will you stop calling me sir, it's Goku."

"Yes, Sir Goku."

"No just Goku. Oh Lord Kazuma give me strength."

"Yes, Lord Goku."

"Stop that!"

"But you are a lord, you rule over a valley and you're married to a real princess. So that makes you, my boss!"

"Just go see Bulma! I have a restaurant to run!"

"Yes, my lord. Vegeta over and out, nanu-nanu!"

After that, Vegeta walked up the stairs to his room, then he saw Mara's door open. She was sitting on the bed, arms around her knees. She was chanting. "I'm not a Mary Sue." Over and over again.

Then Bulma suddenly came home, she went into the kitchen. Seeing the note she picks it up, "Vegeta."

Bulma hears his voice upstairs and quietly goes up.

Vegeta knocked on Mara's door as Bulma quietly watched and listened from around the corner. "Can we talk?"

Mara's door slid open, "Please have a seat." The door slid behind him.

Vegeta sat on a chair near her bed. "All right this is about Bulma."

Mara nodded; "I knew it! You do love her!"

Vegeta shushed her. "Yes, she's a fine and a pretty strong woman. She was strong enough to get me out of my shell. I love her, I really do, but I don't know what to say to her."

Mara back up. "I know how you feel Vegeta. I have been chasing the same man for years. I hated him at first, I even wanted to kill him. But as we got closer, I began to love him. You must trust in your feelings. Just tell her."

He stepped out of the room, "I see you."

Bulma came around the corner. "You don't miss anything, do you?"

Vegeta kissed her. "No I don't. Now come with me, there's something I must tell you in the garden."

Bulma took his hand; "I have to tell you something too.

I'm so happy I redid this one. The next chapter will have some Spike and Ed goodness, not to mention lemon and more randomness.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Bebop, SW, or DBZ or any of the other animes or pop culture things that I mention. This is much more disgusting. There is more offensive stuff, so don't be offended. For 18 and up. Rated M for sex, sexual innuendo, advertising mascots bashed, commercials bashed, absurdness, Star Wars stuff, male pregnancy (Inspired by a Dairy Queen commercial.), switching genders, tentacle jokes, violence, talk of drug use, and using drugs, and there is offensive language, very offensive language and a lot of out of character stuff, also a big apology to Madonna from Vicious. This story is awfully weird!

Welcome to the final session of the Older Ed and Spike Parody

**Chapter 2: Romance on the Bebop, The Ship of Chaos.**

**The Bebop is in the DBZ World...Spike Spiegel is still sobbing in his ship and Edward is standing near Swordfish II...**

"Oh come on Spike! I did mean those things that I said." Edward pleaded with Spike as Ein sat in a corner near her.

"I'm not talking to you Ed! Go away!" He shouted. "Sit girl! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!"

Ed suddenly came down with a few crashes. "Why did you do that for?" She got back up and dusted herself off.

"I just wanted to see if that cursed jade necklace I gave you worked!" He growled. "I guess it did, heh, I cursed it myself and the only way to break my curse is to mate with me."

"Ewwww!"

"Then I am leaving!"

"Well, I'm not leaving until you get out of that ship Spike!" She snapped.

"I need to clear my mind right now Edward, so leave me alone!" He said harshly.

"Will you marry me Spike Spiegel?" Ed let it slip out.

"Mistress Ed, he is older than you, isn't he?" Ein said to her.

"Actually, he found the Fountain of Youth, so we're almost the same age." Ed said as she glanced at him. "I also took a dip in the Fountain of Youth myself."

"But Mistress Edward." Ein tried to intervene.

"Silence!" She snapped. "Damn, I have to stop hanging out with Hojo and Dr. Crescent."

"Well, I never! I thought you were my friend, I guess I was wrong. For now on, I only answer to Masters Jet, Spike, and Vicious and Mistresses Faye and Julia." Ein said, then ran back into the ship.

"Thanks for taking care of Ein Ed, now I have full custody of him! So I can say this, how dare you yell at MY DOG! You hurt his feelings!" Spike looked away; "Oh and here's my answer! NO! Now leave me alone! Well, um, maybe? Wait, I should ask you to marry me, it's tradition."

Ed snapped; "No, traditions are made to be broken besides I want to ask you! It's a feminist thing!"

"You and Sango are plotting against us!" Spike growled.

"No Spike, Sango and Miroku are already married! This is the real Edward, now my darling Spike, will you marry me?"

I SAID I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!" Spike screamed at her.

"Fine Spike, go and think about it. But remember, I do love you, even if you are cursed! but I won't have sex with Miroku, there is only one man for me and that is you!" She walked away.

"Edward, that is the most sweetest thing you have ever said to me and I will not have sex with Sango either!"

"Don't you need to clear your head Spike?"

"Bitch! I hate you!" The Swordfish II flew off, Ed looked over her shoulder and sighed.

Suddenly she rushed over and grabbed her cellphone. "Spike."

"Whaddya want woman, why can't you leave me alone?" The voice on the other line said. "Besides, I can't fly and talk at the same time, they'll fine me $800 Zeni. They're very strict here in DBZ World, about as strict as Connecticut."

Suddenly Vicious snapped. "Connecticut, my home it is, strict, Connecticut is not!"

"Get out of here Vicious!" Vicious runs away and Ed continues. "Okay Spike I will, but please don't do anything stupid, don't get yourself hurt or killed. You can have loveless sex with only one woman and that's it mister, from now on, you're my bitch! Wait! No! I take it back! You better not cheat on me! You stupid fool, I really love you and if you find that Jedi or cheat on me with Asuka, I'll kill you!"

"Asuka wouldn't want me and it would make Shinji cry. Also I will leave the Jedi alone, okay dear. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Spike yelled.

"Go fuck yourself Spiegel!" The girl snapped.

"Go get Faye's old toy and you can watch as I do it! Or you can put it on and do me yourself, I don't mind at all!" He joked.

"You sick hentai!" Ed screetched.

"Oooh, a tigress, just what I want as a wife!" He said with a smirk.

"Just get off the damn phone you stupid prick!" She said, then turned off her phone. Suddenly she broke into tears. "That stupid man, I hope he doesn't get himself killed."

Spike flew far from the Bebop, still in tears. "Bitch! I'll be back for you after I blow off this steam! I'll throw you to the bed, rip your clothes off, and make love to you like a wild beast!" Spikes skin began to turn a bit red, he had to control his anger. "First I need to get this damn curse lifted or to at least get rid of that damn bitchy dragon! I think I have PMS. Eventhough, that evil hag known as Faye says that I always have a male form of PMS. Bah women! When will I ever learn! Well, Kazuma is casting off spells for banishing now, since he is now in old man mode. I'll go see him before he dies on Samhain." Spike slapped his head. "Samhain is tomorrow! Well, the monk can stay until Inu gets the balls, but that dragon has to go. Then I'll give Ed a nice little Halloween Treat, ME! I think I'll have her eat sushi off my sexy naked body before we make love. Oh wait, there's Sango, we have to take care of her too. Damn it!"

**At Capsule Corp...Mara is sneaking out the bathroom window as the young lovers go to the garden...**

Bulma led Vegeta to the quiet garden, all the animals were sleeping, and the robots were shut down for the night.

Except for a suspicious looking bush that seemed to take pictures. "The guys are really going to like this, Vegeta and Bulma up in a tree!"

"Vicious, what are you doing hiding in the bushes?" Vegeta asked.

"There's no one here except for us mice, yeah, um, talking mice. There's two of us, now give us the answer to our question or we will vaporize your planet! What is the meaning of life? Huh, what do you have to say Mork or does Mindy over there have the answer? She is the smartest woman in the DBZ World, isn't she?" The bush said back.

"Can Bulma and I have a moment alone please?" Vegeta pleaded.

Vicious stepped out of his disguise. "But inquiring minds want to know, are you a couple or not?"

Bulma sat and read a book by Carl Sagan as Vegeta sighed. "Yes, we are! But is this still a DBZ Fic?"

Vicious had to tell the very awful truth to Vegeta. "Look, Veggiekins, the author lost her interest in DBZ a long time ago. Yeah, she still has some DBZ stuff and she still watches the show when it's on CN, she likes the uncut, not that edited swill from Saban. Your show is too long and repiticious, it should be called Drag-on Ball Z. Not like Scr/yed, that ended on a sour note, it should have been like Brokeback Mountain or Nip/Tuck where Kazi and Ryu resolve their differences and become plastic surgeons or Kazi should have run off with Mimori, wait, he did get Mimori, who is almost a crone, but soon the winter will be here and Kazuma will die an old man, well, actually his father kills him, but then he will return in the spring, good as new. But enough about the vicious circle of life, wait, I already explained that to you before."

"Just finish the damn scene Vicious, I want Bulma to make me her woman."

"Okay, okay, well, that show should have ended on a good note, okay, now enough about Kazi-kun and Ryuho! You are no longer of any interest to her, and don't get me started on Star Wars, she's even trying to get rid of her Star Wars Stuff, it broke the bank for her you know. She's thinking of bashing Mara Jade-Skywalker as we speak, so she can have her revenge on some so called former aquantances of hers. Come on, look what she did to Luke, she made him a delusional little daddy's boy who wants wild sex! Veg, sorry to say this, but this is a Bebop Fic and on her list of top anime characters, you fell from 3 to 10. You and Bulma used to be her favorite couple, but she likes Spike and Older Edward."

"Okay, so she likes Spike more! So Spike is better looking than me, he has a darker past and baggage enough to fill one luxury jetliner, he's thinner, he's better at Jeet Kun Do than I am, he's taller, he has nicer hair and eyes and a sweet smile and he wears better clothes, that seem to stay on when he's in a fight. So, I don't have those things, big deal, I don't care! I have fans who still love me! Well, I think I do. Now, get the hell out of our house, so we can do this scene alone and finally put an end to this stupid fic!" He shouted; "Oh and can you get some threesome pics of Vash and the insurance girls, I'll pay you 100,000 Zeni."

Meanwhile on The Swordfish II, Spike is hacking into Kates Computer. "Now let's see, Men are from Mars, Women are from Earth is still in production, she's dragging her damn feet again. Update! Update! Update! Damn you woman! Well this fic is a parody of that fic, so she's still working on it. The Female Spike Clone needs more work! That songfic is toast! A story where I am turned into a child and Ed is turned into an older woman, it's about that jello thing that came out of the lobster, I like it a lot, I get to tease Ed and play with her funbags! A story about Faye after Session 26, she gets on with her life and marries a maharaja from Venus, oooh how exotic, that means, she leaves me alone! Vicious loses half his brain, he becomes childlike, noooooo! I will make him a Corallion like Eureka, he'll have bigger butterfly wings. Julia will be a bit disfigured Bwahahahahaha! Eat shit and die DiCaprio! and also a mysterious and horribly burned comatose man arrives on Earth for Ed and her scientist father 10 years after. No, no, not burned! I'd rather be bald and stuffed into a large cryogenic suitcase. One inspired by The Shooting Star Manga, where I come back, yadda, yadda and Ed hates me and wants me dead, then she wants me to marry her, heh, sounds fair. Well, Shooting Star Spike is very mean, he was very mean to Ed, and he's got straight hair! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY HAIR!"

Spike pauses for a moment; "Oh well, it'll grow back in that fic."

Spike continues to mess with the word pad. "Then last but not least, A Macross/CB Story, where I am revealed to be a Zentraadi Prince, The Great Yamane Conte! I become evil, and capture Older Edward. I LOVE EVIL SPIKE STORIES! But what's this, Vicious tries to save me...again and this time he plays a Minmei-like role, he sings, just like all the other fics! He's also a Corallion in this one, the brother of Eureka? Another thing, his name is Vicious Ayanami in this fic! In the other fics his name is Hepburn and Julia is DiCaprio, well, Julia is always a DiCaprio, she looks like Leonardo. Really she does! These fics are so are reptitious, I'm always a witch in these fics, maybe she thinks I'm a witch, well, I am a witch and proud of it! Geez, Spike and Fayes are a dime a dozen, we need some more fics where I fall in love with an older Edward. Faye x Jet, Faye x Vicious, Spike and Vicious, Jet and Vicious, Faye and Ein, and Viciulia fics are good too! Julia and VChan forever and ever! Ed and Vicious? Fire and ice, I like it!" Spike hisses; "Excellent, I just hope she finally gets to work on all these fics about the great and all powerful ME! ME! ME! YES, ALL ABOUT ME! BECAUSE I AM GOD! I AM BIGGER THAN LUKE SKYWALKER AND JESUS! I RULE ALL! MUHAHAHAHA!"

Back at Capsule Corp, which Spike flew over, he wasn't paying attention!

"Vegeta, that only amounts to 10 Woolongs, besides, Wolfwood returned and has now taken Millie back, but I can get you a dvd of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade doing it for the first time, free of charge. So I can show the galaxy, that Luke Skywalker does indeed get the girl and he is no longer a whiny baby! I'm going to download on the Net afterwards! Besides, I'm heading over to the Bebop after I take some paparazzi pics of you two doing it, so keep your shade up." Vicious slapped his head. "Gah! I would never do something so sleazy. Wait, nevermind, The Julia Incident."

Vegeta shouted; "We will do no such thing! We have our dignity!"

"I'll give you front page of The Anime Enquirer." Vicious said.

"Sold!" Vegeta had suddenly came to a conclusion.

"You two are a couple of washed up, has-been, sell-outs! Be naked in five minutes!" He said, then ran out.

"I'm never speaking to you again!" Vegeta shouted.

Vicious came back in. "Are we still on for Starbucks Coffee, gossip, and Desperate Arlen Househusbands on Sunday? I have bad news, they closed our donut shop, you see that low carb diet fad brought on by Dr. Digi Max closed the store! The good news is, I saved a lot on my car insurance by switching to Gaico."

"That sucks, good for you, I wonder if Bill really did cheat on his wife, the minister? I think so, and sure! See you Sunday!" Vegeta gives him a smile.

"Okay then!" Vicious leaves, the door closes, and the fic moves painfully on.

They walked along a cobblestone path until they came to a Magnolia Tree in full bloom.

"Now Mr. Vegeta, I reckon that you have a proposal for me, what is it that you want to say?" Bulma asked.

"Well, Ms. Bulma, I, uh, may not be the most perfect man, I-I'm arrogant, stubborn, loud, violent, I have big hair, I dress like a stripper, when I fight my clothes come off, I'm thinner than a super model, and there's my stupid pride you know and you know how much I want to defeat that dang Kakarott and those androids as well." He confessed; "But Ms. Bulma, I love you. Oh please Ms. Bulma, where shall I go, what shall I do? Do you give a damn about me Rhett?"

"Frankly my dear Scarlett, I do!" Bulma proclaims.

"Oh Rhett!" Bulma lifts Vegeta and races with him up the grand staircase to her bedroom. But what they didn't know was that Mara Jade had suddenly left and there was a guy with silver hair taking pictures.

"Yeah, money in the bank!" Vicious caught a glimpse of Mara running. "Ooh Jackpot!"

"Oh look honey, Mara left and Vicious just went after her, there's goes the front cover. Oh well." Vegeta said as he looked out the window at the fleeing characters running down the road. "By the way, her fiance has posted a missing persons on her and our good friends in Cowboy Bebop World are going after her."

"Good, let's have Spike Spiegel take care of it, she doesn't need us anymore." Bulma threw Vegeta back on the bed. "Hey, wanna play Patty Cake?"

Suddenly the door opens again and Vicious pops in once again. "Hey Vegeta, I'm opening my own line of men and womens sassy underwear stores, want to be one of my models? I'm going to call it, Vicious' Secret!"

"But of course dahling, I'm Vegeta Bundchen, a sexy supermodel from Brazil, I would like to be one of your models." Vegeta said with a wink.

Bulma smiled; "And I am Bulma Campos, I am also from Brazil and I'd love to partake in your photo shoots! I also star on the show, Tucky/NipNip as a doctor/crazy person who's alter ego dresses like Harumi Chono and gives women complete free makeovers then has sex with them after."

"Oooh! Thank you! Now I have to go ask Spike and Ed when I see them!" Vicious ran out the door and vanished.

"Where were we? Oh yeah! Ooooh, me love Patty Cake! Take me now, you blue haired vixen!" Vegeta squealed.

"Patty Cake! Now be a good boy and say my name!" Bulma removed Vegetas clothing and smacked him on the butt.

"Oooh! Bulma!" Vegeta purred.

"Patty Cake!" Bulma started making love to him.

"Oh you naughty girl!" Vegeta squealed.

"Patty Cake! Patty Cake! Patty Cake! Shaaazzzzzzaaaaaammmm!" Bulma said as she was having too much fun with Vegeta.

"Aww Honey, good for you!" He said sweetly.

Mara Jade walked down the street, away from Capsule Corp. She didn't notice that there was a bush following her. "A lot of these homes and buildings seem to have the same kind of bush." She decided to go to the All Anime and Manga Club where she started mumbling to herself in front of a bush that was hiding a secret microphone. "Yeah, I love Luke and all, he's a sweet guy. But right now, I feel like having some fun. I better watch myself though, I don't want no unsavory characters hitting on me. But if a very handsome man does offer me a drink and asks me to dance, I will oblige. Only if he is handsome. Most of these guys here are pretty ugly, about as ugly as Vegeta, what is it with that big hair and he dresses like a male fasion model and why is he so thin, he must have a problem with food." Mara entered the building and a person who looked like Julia stepped out of the bush quietly and followed her inside.

**Meanwhile...Above West City...**

"Friggin' Edward! How dare she do that to me!" Spike cried. "I'm so messed up, that I can't even fly right! Maybe I should land over there for a while." Spike approaches a building with a ship garage. "DBZ Cities are so damn futuristic, makes our Mars look like Earth, not their Earth, Our Earth Miroku! Well, Spike my Earth is that of a feudal era and a modern day Japan, while your Earth is nothing but a ruined planet. Oh gee, thanks a lot Miroku. Well, actually Miroku, Mars looks way better then these little DBZ Hovels!" Spike lands his Swordfish II on the platform and steps out. "Oooohhh. It looks like Asuka and Shinji popped in for a visit, I might as well say hello. Miroku don't you dare get any ideas!"

"Hello Asuka." Spike gives Asuka a smile.

"Hi Spike." She says nicely.

Spike takes her hand in his, Shinji rolls his eyes and huffs. "Asuka, you lovely redhaired spitfire, may I ask you a question?"

"Yes?"

"Would you be the mother of my children? Miroku! What did I tell you!"

Asuka's face turned very red and the next thing Spike felt, yes, was another slap on the face."Idiot! Try to get yourself unpossessed and shame on you Miroku!"

"I'm sorry Asuka, Oh Goddess! I'm trying Asuka! I'm trying, besides I have an obsession with women who have red hair and I don't think it's Miroku! No, I'm beginning to miss Sango right now, Spike is in fact obssessed with redheads." Spike shrugged.

"Then go fuck Edward, she has red hair!"

"I'm trying too! Oh Goddess! How I am trying to get that fiery redhead between the sheets and my loins! Well, after I get Miroku and this dragon out of my body!"

Asuka and Shinji walk off, leaving Spike rubbing his cheek. Then Spike walks over to a catheaded woman and asks. "Excuse me? What was the name of the place again?"

"West City, home of Capsule Corp." She replied, then walked away.

"Oh, yeah, Mork and Mindy, I mean Bulma and Vegeta live here." Spike whispered. "I better visit them, maybe they know where this lost Jedi is. But, I'm pretty thirsty and I think my stomach is growling. I can see them later, maybe not after I said that Krillin was in dire need of a dominatrix. Besides there's a bar that looks pretty inviting." Spike walks towards the club and enters. It was a little dark and there were still a mix of different Anime Characters. Not to mention a person who looked like Julia. "What's that damn DiCaprio thing doing here?" Spike ignored it, he sits down at the bar.

His eye caught a glimpse of a very beautiful woman. She had red gold hair and lovely green eyes. She looked exactly like Edward with her white tube top, green goggles, and black leather pants. Well, except that his Edward has amber eyes and red hair that's styled just like Spikes. "Wait, it's that girl." A smirk came to Spike's face as he looked lustfully at her. Miroku was giving him naughty thoughts. "I might as well sow some wild oats, before forgiving, then fu-I mean making love to Edward. Oh yes, the time is ripe. Oh no, Ed didn't want me to cheat on her, well, maybe I can have a drink and some dinner with this girl, then I'll haul her back to the Bebop and her Satanic fiance, then get over to see Kazuma after, before dad gets to him first and dad is pretty quick."

Mara Jade looks up from her drink and sees this guy with green hair. "He's handsome! Oh and those eyes, like sweet chocolate, and a pretty goofy looking grin. He's looking right at me! Oh please, I want you, who are you beautiful stranger? Wait, I'm marrying Luke, I'm no slut, what am I thinking? But I looked into those eyes and I feel strange, very strange. I wish he could come over to me. Maybe I should use a Jedi Mind Trick on him? Oh wait a second, I feel that he has a very jealous and possessed girlfriend to be and this guy's possessed. Yes, he's possessed by a very angry dragon and a lecherous monk. His father is a former pirate turned samurai sorcerer, his mother is a ninja witch, his other mother is a witch, his half brother is a god. His uncle is a negotiator and gothic magician, his aunt is an angel, and their son is a lazy, whiny, Muggle, no, his powers are hidden, well, he needs work on that now doesn't he?"

Suddenly, some fat, smelly, drunk guy sits next to her. "Hey baby, how are ya?" She ignores him, until he grabs her.

"I wish that beautiful stranger would come and help me now." Mara whispered.

Spike watches her struggle and intervenes. "The lady wants to be left alone, so you better scram."

"Get lost buddy!" The man shouts.

Spike smirks; "The girl is mine, she's a bounty and I have come to collect her."

"You're a bounty hunter? Well, she's all yours." The fat guy walked away to talk to another woman, but he was maced in the process.

Vicious appears. "Now this is the part where it begins to sound like a cheesy b-rated flick that is in a theater one day, and ends up in a VHS bargain bin the next for only 99 cents that never sells anyway, and gets the sledgehammer the day after that. No! Don't buy VHS, get DVD! No, don't do that! Avoid the multiplexes and support your local Movie Palace! Go out there see a movie! Movies are good! Toss out your televisions and Support The Arts! The Old Sexy Movie Palaces need your help! If you don't have any movie palaces, then support your local theater group or um, read a book! Reading is good! Okay, I am shutting up now." Vicious walks back to his table.

Mara gasped; "You're so handsome and cool! I'll gladly go with you! See, I have been a very naughty girl! So read me my rights, now, you sexy hunk of man! You can even frisk and cuff me."

Spike smirked; "I'll frisk and cuff you later, but right now lady, I'm takin' you in. God damn, my stomach!"

Spike shook it all off, it was just some stupid fantasy. The bartender comes up to Spike. "What's your poison?"

"I'll have a strong Irish." Spike says.

A redhaired guy with huge muscles looks Spike over. "Eh, you're cute, wanna be my boyfriend?'

Spike gasped; "Um, I have a girlfriend named Edward."

The guy flexes his muscles. "Oh well, you don't know what you'll be missing."

The guy walks away and Vicious nudges Spike on the shoulder. "Hey there sexy! Me so horny! You want to do it, I'll rock your world, I love you long time, fifty dollar."

Spike nods; "Okay, let's go! We haven't done it in a long time!" Spike follows Vicious into the Karaoke Lounge.

Spike and Vicious break into a duet and start singing "Defying Gravity" with Spike singing Elphabas parts, while Vicious sang Glindas. People freaked out after Spike flew in the air on a broom during the climax. Well, he is teh wicked!

"Vicious, I'm glad you still know Red Dragon Code for "Karaoke. Now, let's go to a private room."

"Are you serious?"

"Oh yeah, baby! I still want you, even if you're not a red haired woman. I think Ed would understand."

Spike and Vicious went to a private room, where they stripped down and started having the best sex ever.

"Are you ready Ayanami!" Spike said as his mounted Vicious and kissed his back.

Vicious started screaming like the schoolgirl he is as Spike picked up his pace, ramming his member into Vicious' tight little orfice. "Oh Spike! Harder!"

"Say my name you silver haired slut who likes tentacles up her butt! Spike chanted.

About an hour later. "Oh that felt so good, thanks Spike."

"Thank you Vicious, I'm glad that I fucked you."

"I feel so much better Spike."

"Vicious!"

"Huh?"

"You were spacing out for no reason!"

Vicious gasped; "Oh, you mean it was just a dream, that you didn't have sex with me?"

"The Karaoke was real, but the sex was a dream. Vicious, I can never have sex with you, because you belong to Julia the psychotic blood thirsty DiCaprio thing and I belong to Edward. I'm sorry."

Vicious sobbed in Spikes chest. "I know Spike, but I love you!"

"I know my darling, but we were not meant to be together. We can just be friends."

"Fine, if that's the way it should be, but can you just kiss me?"

Spike took Vicious' face in his hands and gave him one last passionate kiss, then they broke apart.

Spike and Vicious quietly returned to their seats. Spike asks the bartender again. "I meant a strong Irish Whiskey."

"No problem." The barkeep tells him.

He gives Spike the drink and from a distance, Spike sees the beautiful girl getting hit on by some drunk. She struggles and grabs for a weapon, it was a sword like thing, the drunk gets scared and runs off.

"She's feisty, sort of like my sweet Edward and that old sea hag Faye, I love a woman who can kick ass. But tonight, I will have clearance to that ass. Ah Kanami-sama, that is not like me at all. Miroku, no! Edward is my goal and tonight, I'll have clearance to her ass, not to mention her boobs, which I am dying to grab right now! But I am not going to sleep with that Jedi Harlot! Besides, she's Darth Vader's future daughter in-law and Luke showed me a picture of Anakin, before he became Jet. Not a pretty picture, talk about ugly! The mask was ugly, the helmet was like a Samurais. But my father would never wear one of those, he's not that kind of Samurai. He's a rogue Samurai and a wizard to boot! Although, Jet was right about the dog suit, my goddess that was one very scary dog!" Spike takes his drink and comes over to Mara.

"What? I am not a Mary Sue!" She shouts.

"Shut up! You are a Mary Sue! I hate the way you treat your poor Satanic boyfriend, you turned him into a wimp! Now, let's just drop that term from the story, that is so Chapter One and the audience is probably sick of hearing it! I am just here to have one night of very meaningless sex with you, so I can get back at my very smart and prettier girlfriend, well, I want her to be my girlfriend and so much more. I want her to be my wife and the mother of my child. Well, I have to do it before I bring you back to your very rabid and Satanic fiance, who may I add is very sick in the head!" The truth is such a bitch, wait he's lying.

"Okay." She said softly. "But what about this Edward Chick?"

"You're right." Spike took a stance. "I'm not going to sleep with you, because you are not worth it and you're very ugly. Besides, Edward is my woman and she needs me and I need her! I am her Kagome to her Inuyasha, I am her Kikyo to her Naraku."

"Well that's good, because Luke needs me. He's too sick in the head right now." She sighed.

"That's what I just said you fucking mental retard!" Spike snapped; "I thought Luke Skywalker was naive, what happened to him?"

Mara sighed; "He had a fight with this orange thing named Don Patch that didn't turn out so well. You see Patch was crossdressing so much that Luke got confused, which scrambled his brain. Also, Patch did something so horrible to Luke, that it's too unbearable to describe."

"Just tell me." He asked.

Mara started sobbing. "Okay, Patch, he-he-FORCED CHURROS ON LUKE!"

"HEY! I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN YELL IN CAPS! Control yourself or I will kill you in 2 seconds!" Spike screamed;

"Okay." Then Mara touched Spike's jacket. "I did that for good luck, I read somewhere if you touch a witch, you get good luck."

"Yeah, I know. A lot of people touch me. Now, where were we?" Spike asked.

"Churros!" Mara shouted;

"Wait, how did Don Patch get over there?" Spike asked again.

Mara explained. "The Everlasting Wormhole, you see, when Emperor Palpatine finally died, he let out a single fart. That fart traveled to the end of our galaxy and put a hole in it. Now our worlds are connected, forever. And that's why he's called a Fartbag."

"You're a fucking fucktard!" Release the Mara bashing hounds! Excellent! "You could have left anytime you wanted in your stupid ship! That's it woman, one more stupid thing and I'm going to strangle you!"

"But I wanted to meet you, I'm your number one fan." Scary darkness came over her.

"Oops, sorry, my bad I turned off the lights." Said Bill from King of the Hill.

Spike glared at the guy. "Bill, one more time and I'm going to ask Hank, not to kick your ass, but to kill you! But I can't see Hank, I'll have to talk to him over the phone, there is a reason why I do that. Because Hank Hill is actually the President of Toontown and...TONGPU!"

"But Spike, Hank is my best friend and he still has a lot of weapons left over from last time!"

"Bill, go back to Arlen and stay in Arlen and say nothing to Hank! One day, the only cartoons in America, will all be Japanese, uncut, and subtitled! Well, dubbed too, American Voice Actors are beautiful people, they are more beautiful than movie stars, and they still need to work. But the cartoons will not edited! TOONTOWN WILL BE OURS! BECAUSE I SAID SO! I AM THE RULER OF ALL ANIME CHARACTERS AND ONE DAY I WILL RULE OVER DOMESTIC CARTOON CHARACTERS AND EVERYONE WILL LIVE BY MY RULES! NO EXCEPTIONS FROM ANYONE! THE EVIL PTC, OR THE EVIL AFA! PARENTS WILL HAVE TO LIKE IT OR NOT, WE STAY ON TV AND IN THE THEATERS! THAT'S RIGHT! HOLLYWOOD WILL SOON BOW DOWN TO THE GREAT AND ALL POWERFUL, ALMIGHTY SPIKE SPIEGEL BECAUSE I RULE ALL! I AM THE KING OF HOLLYWOOD! I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD! WHOHOOO!"

Suddenly Spike felt a swift kick in the nads and looked at a very irate Julia. "Don't you ever say that! My grandfather is The King of the World!"

Spike sighed; "When I take over, I'll make sure you have a slow and painful death! Aww, forget it DiCaprio, I'm not going to kill you, your life is worth shit and killing you would be a waste of my precious time. Besides, I will kill Bill of King of the Hill!"

"Another empty threat." Julia rolls her eyes and walks away

Bill shouts; "No Spike! I won't let you do that and I'm not going to let someone like you kill me!"

"You know too much about my plan! Say goodbye Bill!" Spike shoots and misses Bill.

"Watch yourself! Hank says he's going to get you Spike, he wants another rematch at Spaceland!" Bill shouts then runs away.

Spike laughed at the threat. "Oh, okay, now where were we?"

"Churros!" Screamed Mara, who was wearing a gold star on top of her her head like Don Patch.

"Oh yeah, but Churros are tasty with rich melted chocolate, they're a delicious snack! I bought some from Patch a few days ago. But they tasted pretty weird with the chocolate." Spike said.

Vicious pops out of nowhere with a blackboard. Vicious shows a picture of Don Patch selling food. "In the Japanese version of the show BoX7, Don Patch is really selling fish cakes, but in the English version of the Bo-Bo-boboboboyadda anime, he is selling churros! That is your lesson for the day folks."

"Me Julia, you Vicious, come we make snu-snu now." Julia smacks Vicious with a silver baseball bat, grabs him by the hair and drags him off. "Back to the story folks, oh don't worry about him, he's KO."

"Those were fishcakes? DON PATCH YOU ARE SOOOOOOO DEAD! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU CROSS-DRESSING, FAME HOGGING, PSYCHO!" Spike is using those caps again.

"Why are you yelling dear?" Don Patch came over, he was dressed as a woman. "Are you going to turn into a dragon?"

"Noooo! Why can't I stay human when I'm angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" Spikes face turned red and a bit scaly, but it vanished after he took some deep breaths. "Must control anger, must fight urge to kill or to turn into female dragon! Serenity now! I really do love that show!"

Patch crossed his arms. "Didn't you know those were fishcakes, you can tell a fishcake from a churro, can't you Spike?"

"But I was really hungry and I dipped them in chocolate, the chocolate hid the fishy taste." Spike whined.

"Spike are you channeling Van from Gun Sword or Homer Simpson?" Patch asked him.

"Van and I are good friends, we're like brothers, Vicious and I, are like brothers. Also Kazuma, Mugen, Roger Smith, Vash, and Wolfwood are also like my brothers. Wait, Mugen is my dad and Roger is my Uncle, Van is my cousin and Kazuma happens to be my younger brother. The rest of the guys are all friends to me. BUT DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HOMER SIMPSON! I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT DARTH VADER LOVING, BALD, UGLY, FAT, STINKY, STUPID, LAZY AMERICAN LARDBALL!"

Suddenly Jet Black comes out and smacks Spike. "Don't take my name in vain!"

"I WASN'T BASHING YOU JET! I WAS BASHING DARTH VADER!"

"I was Darth Vader in a past life you imbecile!" Jet strides out of the scene, with his long black cloak fluttering behind him as The Imperial March plays.

"Yeah and even now you're becoming more machine than man!"

"Okay, I see you have pent up agression Spike and you're truly out of your mind, have you been doing bloody eye and why do you hate American Cartoons so much?" Patch was holding a clipboard and taking notes.

"You stupid baka! I am possessed! Didn't Vicious tell you? But about Bloody Eye, I used to sell the stuff, but I never used it." Spike admitted. "I also used to be a member of a very dangerous crime syndicate on Mars. I was a very bad boy, I did very bad things! Naughty things, things so naughty, that if it was a show on FX. The censors and parental watchdog groups would have it cancelled even before it got on the air. And I don't hate American Cartoons, I love them, it's a few characters that I want to kill! Like I said before and I'll say it again. We Anime Characters shall have our way on American Prime Time TV and in the theaters. But first, I have to take care of the PTC and AFA, I'll send them poppies...with a little poison in them...yesss...poisoned poppies. Yes, poppies, poppies...sleeep...sleeep. Give in, Anime is not bad, we're not about tentacles and sex. WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"

"Well, um, I have to go now, I have a date with a hot fashion model, toodles." Patch walked off.

Mara started yelling at Spike. "Now that I finally have your attention! No wonder you damn humans are so fat! All you eat is candy and chocolate and fried food and piyokos and Cadbury Creme Eggs, and more food, and McDonalds and Burger King and fried peanut butter, banana, bacon sandwiches, and marshmallow peeps, and bell peppers with beef, and movie palace popcorn, made from real movie palaces. Oh, me so hungry now, me wanna eat movie palace, Mara need food badly." Mara rubs her tummy.

"Movie Palace Popcorn is actually made from real corn, you idiot." Spike stated.

Mara frowned; "No, it's made from movie palaces."

Spike said sarcastically; "Oh yes, the popcorn here was made from movie palaces, but they stopped slaying the movie palaces after an environmental watchdog group protested it. Can you believe that it is run by monkeys? Their leader is Twinkle Maria Monkey. Yeah, that was my doing. Because I'm the Wicked Witch of Anime! I'm not evil or anything, just wicked good! One false move dearie and I'll turn you into an old hag!"

"Oh really? Then show me how wicked you are!" Mara had crossed her arms.

"Oh DiCaprio! Oh Vicious!" Spike shouts.

"Yes Master Spike we are at your command, what do you desire?" Julia and Vicious rush to his side.

Spike takes out a crystal wand and says a spell. "Gollumus Preciouso!" Julia is turned into Gollum from Lord of the rings and Vicious is turned into "Preciousss."

"You bastard odd eyed manchild! We hates you! Smeagol is happy to have preciousssss. Yessssss, my precioussssss." Gollum picks up the ring, grins, and puts it on his teeny weeny weenie. "Now no one will separate us, the bastards can leave us the fuck alone! Fuck all of you bastards!" Gollum looks at Tien's leg. "Ooooh yessssss." Gollum jumps on his leg and starts humping it.

"Oh my god! Someone get their weird looking dog off my leg!" Tien screamed, Luch was trying to help him too.

"Oh DiCaprio! Here girl! Dobbus Shinjus!" Spike waves his wand and Shinji Ikari is turned into Dobby.

"Spike Spiegel! How dare you turn my boyfriend into this wierd dog-like thing!" Asuka screams and throws a glass at Spike, who turns it into confetti with his magic.

Gollums attention is broken and he sneers at Dobby; "Dead, dead, dead meat! You asshat! Smeagol is going to disembowel you!" Gollum stops humping the leg, jumps on Dobby, and starts beating the crap out of him.

Asuka jumps in and tries to get Gollum off Dobby. "Yodus Asusks!" Spike cackles and turns Asuka into Yoda. Now there is a three way fight between Yoda, Gollum, and Dobby. People in the bar are making bets to see which dog-like creature will win.

"Dude! This is better than Tekken Tag Team!" Some guy said. The cast of Tekken hears this, they all sigh and walk away.

Mara watched Spike as he grinned. "You know, if you were in Salem, Mass during the 1600's, they would have burned you at the stake by now."

Salem in the 1600's

A man in a black and white suit and a crowd of villagers are standing near a stake. The man speaks. "Spike Spiegel of Hartford, you have been charged of witchcraft and treason against god. Since you have survived the torture tests unscathed, we have no choice, but to burn you at the stake. Do you have any last words, do you need to recant? Do you need to absolve for your sins?"

"NEVER! Witches are the good guys! I shall not bow down to a religion that will not acknowledge the existance of goddesses. I will not bow down to people who shove their book in other peoples faces and forces them to forsake their beliefs and to convert! Besides, you ignorant fools are the bad guys, just because 2 paranoid little brats got freaked out, doesn't mean you should execute innocent people, who are not even witches! But I am the real deal baby, I enjoy being a witch!" Spike smirked; "I'm not afraid of death and going to Hell, because there is no Hell! But, this is Purgatory and we must wait for Halloween to be free and I'll do it by releasing the virus that I put in the parade balloons!"

The minister shouted; "Burn him! Burn him! Burn this blasphemy filled, moss haired demon, and do it quick!"

"Sorry Padre, but you can't burn me, because I am teh fire!" Spikes eyes glowed red and the ropes holding him were burned off. He jumped from the pile of logs and advanced towards the minister.

The man screamed; "Look at him he's wicked! Get him!"

Spike cornered the man. "Don't worry about me getting into Paradise, my friend Kiba has it all covered. You should worry about going to paradise yourself!" The guy was turned into a smoking pile of ashes and bones after Spike burned him alive. Spike cackled; "Anyone else want to be reduced to ash?" The villagers came at him with weapons, but the weapons were turned into serpents, that scared them away. Spike cackles; "How about a little fire scarecrow!" Spike hurls a fireball at a scarecrow, destroying it.

"Spike Spiegel! You naughty boy, what are you doing?" A female voice shouted.

"Well, hello there honey, what are you going to do to me?" In the middle of this chaos stood a young girl with red hair and amber eyes. Now here's three endings. She fires an arrow of sealing into his heart, pinning him to a tree. The girl fetches a bucket of water, and throws it on him. Spike screams; "Not again! You little brat! I'm melting, melting! Oooh, how could a little girl like you destroy my beautiful wickedness! I'll get you Edward!" Spike melts into a puddle of blue and yellow. Or the girl ignites her red lightsaber, Spike says, "Strike me down, then I'll become more powerful than you ever imagined." Spike lifts his lightsaber and closes his eyes; "Salmon Ramen Jutsu!" Ed cuts him in half and Spike vanishes. All was left of Spike was a crumpled blue jacket, pants, yellow shirt, black tie, and blue boots, also his saber and a pack of smokes. Ed stomped on the jacket and felt something hard, it was a log. Ed bites her lip, she knew that guy would use a Ninja Trick.

She turns around and lies; "Umm he's dead, Spike Spiegel is truly dead or is he just asleep? Oh great god Nabeshin, please give me the answer!"

The villagers embrace the girl and chant; "Hail to Edward, the wicked witch is dead!"

Then one villager said to another, "Was it the water, arrow, or sword that did him in?"

The other shook her head. "Nope, it was beauty that killed the beast."

Suddenly Edward clutches her stomach and screams in pain. "Ah Megami-Sama! I forgot that I was with child! I'm sorry everyone, but that guy was my fiance."

"Unwed with the devils child! This is an outrage! Girl, leave this village at once!" Sadly, the girl was exiled and forced to move to Boston to raise her strange green haired son with Spike, who met her there after he faked his death.

Mara's thoughts were broken by a screaming, bruised and bloodied Dobby on top of the bar. "No! Julia! Please, no more! I love my Eva! I love my mother! The Eva is my mother or is Rei my mother? Or are they both my mother? I love my father! I love Asuka! Please Julia! Don't kill me! I don't want to die! I love life! I'll pilot Eva! I promise! I'm not going to be a coward anymore! I won't run away! Please Julia! It's me, Shinji Ikari!"

Yoda was too busy sneering at Spike, and he looked very unhappy. "Evil you are, Spike Spiegel, yes."

Asuka was changed back and Spike quickly turned into Jessica Rabbit. "Oh I'm not bad Asuka, I'm just drawn that way."

"Spike! Stop her! She's going to kill Shinji!" She screamed.

Spike asked; "I thought you hated Shinji?"

"That's just a front, I love him and you know that! Vicious broke the story a year ago!"

Spike shrugged; "Oh, okay."

Gollum held a knife in his hand. "You no Shinji! You Dobby! We hate you! There is no Julia, only Smeagol! Die Dobby Die!"

Spike waved his crystal wand, Shinji was back to normal, so was Julia, who was half naked now, since Vicious was the one with her ripped leather catsuit on his head. Vicious takes the torn clothes off his head. "Julia! How could you do such a disgusting thing to me! Hentai! Ecchi! You pervert! Get some clothes on!" Vicious runs away, leaving Julia still half naked.

Julia growled; "Now I am really mad! My precious has left and I need to draw blood! Yes, I need to do some blood letting! A virgin must be sacrificed to quench my anger! Shinji Ikari! I want to eat your soul!" Julia transformed into a Hollow.

"Let's go Honey!" Asuka grabs Shinji and rushes off.

Suddenly Edward pops in and Julia stabs her in the eye with the knife. "There Ed, now you're closer to Spike more than ever, so that means Vicious will be the only one for me! You will never take my Vicious away from me! No one will take my Vicious away! I own Vicious' soul!" Edward runs out screaming with Spike running after her. "Yes Spike, go! Go run after your beloved! You will never take me away from Vicious, no matter how injured you get!"

"DiCaprio! I want you out of my bar!" The barkeep yelled. "Please come again."

"As you wish and keep the change! See you on Monday for Margarita Night, I need to be in top form to beat the crap out of Vicious!" Julia gives him some money and rushes out the door laughing like a maniac with a sock that has a bar of soap inside it, she's probably going to go after Vicious and probably do horrible stuff to him.

The bartender sighed. "Bebop characters! They're all nuts!"

After Ed had her eye fixed by a very helpful animator. Spike went in and got her.

Spike sighs as he and Ed leave their animation studio: "You know Ed, this is the worst disappointment I have ever had, well, that and the commercial I did for Skittels."

Spike is sitting in an office with this woman whose hair keeps moving. "Now we're looking for someone who is qualified."

The womans tentaclelike hair gives him a candy, then touches his hair. "Qualified huh?"

Spike glares at her. "Did you, did you just touch my hair?"

The woman smiles. "I was just trying to be nice."

Spike growls and grabs an electric shaver. "Oh really! Here's my version of being nice, you bitch!" Spike begins to shave her head. "Huh? How do you like that baby?"

Then Spike sighs again. "Or the one I did for Burger King."

Spike is in bed sleeping, suddenly he gets up and sees the scary Burger King outside his window. Spike screams, grabs a double barrell shotgun and blows the kings head off. "Oh no, did I just off that guy from Roseanne?"

"Or when I did that reality show for Julia." Spike said.

"Welcome to Julia DiCaprio's Mansion. Julia must decide on 3 more men to be her boyfriend." An announcer says.

Julia comes down the stairs with Annie and she is wearing a cowboy hat and a guitar around her back. Annie is holding two guitars. There are three men waiting downstairs for her, the men are Spike, Vicious, and Whitney Haggis Matsumoto.

Julia faces the three guys. "Hello gentlemen. Tonight is eliminations and I have to let one of you go. So the first one I will pick for tonight. Annie, the first guitar."

"Yeah, here you go." Annie gives Julia the blue Les Paul.

"Vicious! My sweet little delicious Vicious! I love it when we play, you are so devious and cool. But you can be a bit of a whiny baby and somewhat of an ass. So,Vicious, would you accept this Les Paul?"

Vicious races to Julia and receives his guitar. "I'll make you the happiest woman in The Sol System."

We cut to Spike talking. "I don't know what she sees in him, he is only here for one thing. His career in Anime, I am here for her, I know she loves me and that's why she let me come back."

Back to Julia. "Spike, Whitney, Whitney, Spike. Spike, I don't why you love me so much, but you do and I know that you are for real. Whitney, you're a fake, a phony, and a liar. The author just wanted to put you in here so Faye can have her revenge. I'm sorry Whitney...But your time is up!" Julia whips out a raygun and vaporizes Whitney Matsumoto. "Spike will you accept this guitar?"

Spike takes the guitar from Julia. "Thank you so much."

Suddenly there's a banging at the door, then Edward barges in. "You're not taking my man away from me Ghoolia DiCapitated!"

"Annie, please show Ed the door, but don't hurt her." Julia, Spike, and Vicious raise their glasses of Pepsi. "I will pour no Pepsi for Whitney, because, I ran out and he's not worth it. So boys, our last romantic date will be in beautiful Newington, Connecticut!"

"What? Newington sucks!" Spike shouted; "The place is so boring, there's no movies theaters, and there's nothing to do there! The place really sucks!"

After the rather boring date for Spike and the very fun one for Vicious, Julia decides to Eliminate another at Mill Pond Park in Newington. "Okay Spike, you were nothing but a big fat baby bitch on our date, all you did was complain, you hated bowling at Bowl-a-Rama, you hated Chillis, and you hate Target, which I can understand, because there was this ugly fat blonde bitch named Mandy who was in charge of shoes that kept annoying you, but it made you happy after I beat the living crap out of her and made her lose her job. Vicious, I had the most fun with you! You loved Churchill Park, going to the library, shopping at Bob's and the lunch at Hooters. So Vicious, will you accept this Les Paul?"

Vicious screams like a little girl and rushes over to Julia; "Yes! I will!"

"You suck DiCaprio!" Spike walks away.

"Get out of here Spike, you remind me of Edward!" Julia shouted as she placed kisses on to Vicious' neck.

"Good, I'm glad I do! Wait, I'm not like Edward, well, in a way, but I am nothing like her!" Spike walks off.

Suddenly Spike is spirited away by a redhaired woman riding a black horse. "Spike Spiegel is mine at last! Victory is mine!" Shouted Edward.

Julia pours Pepsi Jazz all over the grass. "That is for Spike and Ed, we hope they find true happiness and have lots of lanky and hyperactive lunkheaded kids. Julia opens the parks lawn shed. "I have something else for you Vicious." Julia pulls out a 24 karat gold grill from the shed. It was the cooking kind of grill. "Make cheeseburgers for dinner now my Corallion Slave!"

Vicious bows; "Yes master."

Meanwhile at Koji in Hartford, Spike and Ed watched as Vicious made Julia dinner on a small tv screen, the two laughed. "Hey, I'm glad I didn't win!"

Ed smirked; "Yes, I know, see we all end up happily ever after."

"Or when I was in The End of Evangelion." Spike pushes Rei aside and jumps inside of Lilith, suddenly there's a naked white uber Spike. "Hahahahaha! The world is mine!" Spike sadly destroys Earth and humankind as we know it.

In Heaven, we pan to a very pissed off Shinji ringing Spikes neck. "Spike how dare you! It was not supposed to end this way!"

Asuka has her arms crossed; "Shinji, please leave some for me!"

Ed interrupts; "Spike, I think Vicious would be Rei, because Vicious and Rei don't talk much, they have no emotions, and they almost have the same hairstyle. Faye is the last angel, because she looks a lot like Vicious, you can be Asuka, and I'll be Shinji. Electra will be Misato, Julia will be Gendo, because Vicious will also be Yui, Stella will be the blonde, and Jet would be Kaji."

"Okay. Hey, remember when I was infected by the Borg in The Star Trek Universe." Spike wearing Borg stuff faces a very pissed off Edward.

"What in Ruyho's Kingdom is this now Spike?" She growls.

Spike faced her and said in a monotone voice. "There is no Spike, I am 867530 of 9. We are Borg. Resistance is futile. Join us."

Vicious comes up. "I think it's time that I wake you from the dream again!"

Spike shoots laser beams from his eyes melting Vicious' Katana. "We are Borg, we have no dreams."

Vicious starts crying and runs off to his room, yes, he and Julia live on the Bebop now. "D-DiCapriooooo! Spike melted my sword! Whaaaaaaahhhh! Beat him up for meeeee!"

Ed growled at Jet; "Jet, no more bounty hunting in the Star Trek Universe!"

Ed suddenly grabbed Lil' Slugger, who was beating the living crap out of the Carver. "Take that you evil Catholic Ninja Geisha! You are giving Catholics, Ninja, and the Geisha a bad name!"

"I may be Catholic, but I'm not offending Ninjas and Geishas!"

Lil' slugger growled; "Hey! There are no plurals in our language! The reason why I call you an evil Catholic Ninja Geisha, is because you are an evil Catholic, dressed like a Ninja, wearing a Geisha mask!"

"Little Slugger please! I'll never cut people again!" Quentin said as he wet his pants.

"Shut up, I am so sick of you and your "Beauty is a fuckin' curse on the world-crap!" Then Lil' Slugger bashed in his skull.

"Can I have your golden bat please?" Ed asked as Lil' Slugger throws the bat away and grabs another one out of hammer space. "I need to use it on Spike."

"Um, okay, uh is he trapped in a corner with nowhere to go?"

"No, he's just acting like an asshole."

"Here take it." Lil' Slugger gives her the magic bat.

Ed sneers at Spike. "Assimilate this!" Ed begins swinging the bat, she smacks Spike on the head, knocking the sense back into him. She gives the bat back to Lil' Slugger who runs away in fear. "Why can't I have a normal future boyfriend!"

The Borg crap falls off Spike and he's back to normal. "You will be my girlfriend?"

Ed gave him a cold look. "When donuts start raining from the sky Spike!"

Spike crumbles into a pile of tears, he runs into the kitchen, grabs three pints of Ben and Jerrys, and is not heard from in days.

"Or when I pissed off both Eva Units 01 and 02." Spike looks at the Evangelions. "So girls tell me, where do they put your dummy plugs?"

The Evas looked at each other, then back at him. "They're in the rear."

"So no wonder you two always act like something has crawled up your asses." Spike said, being snide.

The Evas didn't look too happy. "Zep."

"What's up Yui?"

"Let's show him what 2 pissed off giant robots can do, especially when we are pmsing!"

Just as they were going to step on Spike, he had vanished.

Eva 01 looked at Eva 02. "Hey, I have some of that angel left if you want any. I'll serve it up with ice cream and chocolate sauce."

Ed puts her arm around Spike. "You just did a homage to Family Guy, you know that Spike?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly they heard the laugh of Peter Griffin.

"Is that the Vice President of American Toontown?" Ed asks.

"Yeah, I'm here." Suddenly Peter Griffin appears. "Hey Spike, is that your girlfriend?"

"Yup."

"Not yet!"

Spike gives Peter a smile. "Peter, would Lois do me the honor of."

Peter growled; "No! Unless there's money involved."

"Um, no."

"Then forget it."

"Okay."

"Wow Spike, you're lucky. See you later, I have to go see President Hank. Oh, I have a note from him." Peter gives it to Spike and walks away. "He he, propane, Hank go boom."

Spike shivers as he reads the letter. "Dear Spike, you are invited to a wonderful party. A party where I will kick your ass ten fold! Spaceland, be there or I will come after all of you! Your friend, Hank "Tongpu" Hill."

Spike quickly flys to Spaceland, where Hank Hill is waiting.

Hank is dressed as a thinner verion of Tongpu. "Hello and welcome! Today I am kicking your ass and I will finish doing it!"

Suddenly, they decided on a war of words, not weapons.

Spike: "Propane sucks! Oil is better!"

Hank: "Shut up! We need to kick the habit, it's like cocaine!"

Spike: "Cocaine rhymes with propane!"

Hank: "At least my dog doesn't have a computer chip in his head!"

Spike: "Ladybird is secretly married to Brian Griffin!"

Hank: "I know that!"

Spike: "Damn! Well, your wife is an ignorant howler monkey! She doesn't know Spanish!"

Hank: "Um yeah, I know!"

Spike: "Double damn! Your son is so fat...he's fat! He's going to become another Bill!"

Hank: "That's low coming from a bitch like you!"

Spike: "Hey! Shut up you lazy American Cartoon Character!"

Hank: "Your mother is a Ninja!"

Spike: "Bill should die, Dale should be locked up in a mental insitution and Boomhauer ahould marry Quagmire!"

Hank: "That's true about Dale, but you leave Boomhauer and Quagmire alone! Quagmire is from Family Guy Town, idiot! Besides, Quagmire is not the marrying kind, neither is Boomhauer. About Bill, I'll kill him later because his life is meaningless and he must perish!"

Spike: "Your father is a pain in the ass and he needs to die!"

Hank: "Your father likes to kill people!"

Spike: "You are a fat idiot!"

Hank: "Shut up you sushi eater!"

Spike: "Redneck!"

Hank: "Green haired freak!"

Spike: "Flattop!"

Hank: "Odd eyed misfit!"

Spike: "Unfit parent!"

Hank: "Cradle Robber!"

Spike: "At least I'm not having an affair with Peter Griffin behind Stan Smiths back!"

Hank: "Um, you know me better than that, do you really think I'm gay Spike? Besides, you're the one doing all the gay stuff."

Spike: "Shut up, I'm not gay either and that was one of Vicious' dreams!"

"Well, at least I don't work with a woman who looks exactly like Wacko Jacko!"

"Well, Faye does look like Jacko, compare pictures."

"Worthless bounty hunter!"

"Evil propane salesman, who likes to push propane on people! Haven't you heard of Freedom of Choice!"

"Wicked Witch!"

"Jesus Lover!"

"Your ship sucks!"

"Now you have taken it too far Hank! This is war!" Spike fires his gun at Hank.

Hank fires off a small missle, which Spike turns into flower petals with his magic. "Bah! You cheater! I'm going to really kill you! Bah! I can't fly anymore, I'll have to run over to him!"

Spike smirks; "You want to see something scarier than you Hank?"

Hank grinds his teeth. "What? Ney...?"

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

"For the love of Brak! Will you stop using that line, it's getting old, along with the tentacle sex jokes!"

Spikes eyes turn yellow and his skin starts to turn red, and within a few minutes he transformed into a ferocious dragon. "How do you like me now Hank? Do you still want to fight? Also when I beat you, are you going to cry for your mommy again? I don't think she is going to listen this time! Oh wait, you don't do that Hank, but you did after I stabbed you in the leg, then you got squished by a big robot. Do you still want to kick my ass? But I don't know, because I can eat you up in one single gulp."

Hank growls in defeat. "Fine, you win! I need to kick someones ass now!"

Gendo Ikari bends over. "Kick mine!"

"Hell no Ikari, we have a deal remember, we are going to ruin our sons lives! But I'm going to kick Bill's ass, then I will kill him. I will Kill Bill." Hank chuckles evily. Then Hank sees Paul Phoenix, Baek, and Bryan from Tekken. Hank grins evily. "Ney! Never mind, these three are ripe for the picking! These guys may be assholes, but the music to Tekken Tag Team is so great! I just love it!" He takes his assortment of guns and bombs and blows all three to Hell. Satisfied, the King of the Hill walked off triumphantly and waved a nice goodbye to Spike, who had poured water on himself to become normal again. "Spike, I hope you get to visit Toontown, my wife makes a wonderful brown betty to die for, literally." He said darkly.

Spike takes out his Crackberry; "Note to self, Kill Hank and Peggy Hill."

Edward took Spike by the ear and growled. "Stop fucking around! Get me back to the damn Bebop, now!"

Spike returns Edward to the Bebop, now the poor girl has one eye that can see the past and another that can see the present. Spike comforts her. "You're becoming more like me, I sort of like that in a sick, twisted way. Now all you need is green hair a blue suit for those gorgeous curves and those big breasts, and a rose red monoracer. I'll call Doohan to build you one! Oh yes, my odd eyed concubine, it would please me! Oh Kanami-Sama, let me touch those boobs, I want to grab them now!" He grabs her breasts and squeezes them.

Edward unzips her jeans and moves on to Spike. "Oh Megami-sama! Grab me! Take me Spike! I want to have sex with you now!"

Spike buries his face in her cleavage and bites her breast. "Oh Sango! I mean Edward!"

Ed yanked him out of her boobs by the hair, she zips up her pants, and glares at him with her mismatched eyes. "Get out of my face Spike! Right now!"

"No." He said softly.

"Goodbye Spike!" Edward punches Spike who lands back in the bar next to Mara.

Spike sips his drink and acts like nothing has happened. "Let's eat after we have our drinks."

Mara nods. "Oh-kay."

Spike gives her a smile. "Looks like I handled that pretty well."

She smirks, "Well, I better get going, I've think I've seen enough of your wierd ways and you scare me."

"Stay Mara, let me buy your drink." Spikes stomach growled, "I'm hungry." They finish their drinks. "Would you let me buy you dinner?"

"Sure. That's good, because I don't have any money on me, Bulma and Vegeta didn't give me any." Mara said blankly.

"Well, we Anime Characters are always prepared while traveling between worlds, so I have Zeni on me." Spike took out his wallet and paid the barkeep. "Keep the change my good man."

Spike and Mara stepped out and went to the Saiyuki Restaurant, Ballroom, and Movie Palace. Before that Mara did try to eat the movie palace, but it didn't work, marble is not tasty.

The movie palace didn't enjoy it either, it screamed the entire time and tried to hit Mara with it's neon marquee. It did get to drop a few letters on her head, enough to spell the words "You're a dumbass!"

Goku came up to their table to wait on them. "My name is Goku, I'll be your waiter for today, besides, I'm the only waiter here." 

"Is Chi-Chi cooking?" Spike asked.

"Waddya think pal? She cooks every night." Goku is not being his usual self. "I'm pissy because Mujo is stealing our business, that power hungry pig!"

"Just as long as her cooking doesn't get us sick." Spike said, probably offending someone else.

Chi-Chi came out with a frying pan and she didn't look too happy.

Due to the very graphic nature of this scene, we are giving you scenes of white fluffy bunnies playing in a nice grassy field. Of Autumn Leaves and pumpkin patches in Connecticut, Springtime in New York, Christmas Trees and Yule logs, rainbows, Wintery Vermont hills, puppies and kittens prancing merrily, and a very pretty ocean scene in Cape Cod during summer. All you're hearing is Spike painfully screaming as he is hit over the head with the frying pan numerous times.

We go back to the scene, Spike is seeing stars right now, really he is, all of the stars in Hollywood are lining up for his autograph, they love him! They really do love him! They worship him as their one and only God and call him their personal guru. And Mara Jade is doing her make-up, well, who cares about her.

Meanwhile, there was trouble-a-brewing in the kitchen. "This is something special for Mara Jade, just the way Edward wanted it." Chi-Chi said in a dark tone as she added something special to Maras soup. "Soon Vicious' plan will be complete!"

"Chi-Chi is the soup for table 7 ready yet?" Goku hollered.

"Yes dear, here are two steaming bowls of mushroom and miso soup." She gave the tray to Goku, who took it in a huff.

"One of these has mushrooms in it and Spike hates mushrooms." Goku said rather snobbishly.

"Just serve the food! Besides, the mushrooms are for Mr. Spiegels friend. Remember Vicious' plan?" Chi-Chi snapped.

"Oh! Heh, heh, I forgot." Goku waved his hand and set the bowls down on the table.

The soup with mushrooms was given to Mara, while Spike had the plain miso.

After finishing a dinner of very tasty food, really, it was good, Spike was making a harsh joke, the music started, and they began to dance.

"Oooohhhh...I see colors and the room is spinning, woah groovy baby!" Mara felt like jelly and she fainted in Spikes arms.

"Edward, this is Chi-Chi, I have done what you wanted me to do and I prepared some nice soup for Mr. Skywalker, when he comes back to the Bebop. Soon Vicious' magnificent plan will come to fruition! We will ruin Luke and Mara and will succeed at it!"

Ed laughs like an evil fiend. "Excellent, now I will release the rats in Mujo's kitchen, just as you wanted."

Down the street, boxes of rats are being opened by remote control into Mujos Bistro. People are beginning to run out, Mujo, defeated, begins to work for Goku and Chi-Chi. A gang of movie palaces took Mujos building by force and turned it into one of their own. "Well, gals, should she be an Oriental? An Atmospheric? Or an Art Deco? or maybe a combination of all three?"

Spike paid Goku and appologized to Chi-Chi for his remark, then carried Mara out the door, and down to the beach where there was a cave. But that was Mara's weirdo dream

Vicious took a few pictures of them, then proceeded to follow them to Swordfish II.  
Until Julia grabbed his arm; "Honey, please don't play any pranks tonight. Besides, you'll miss the music video that you made."

"But Julia!" Vicious whined.

"BUT JULIA NOTHING! Aww crap."

"DICAPRIO! I'M GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU! Not now, but soon! Your uppance will come!" Spike gave her another empty threat.

Julia took out her silver baseball bat and hit Vicious on the head. "Will you stop doing that Julia! That's it, I want a divorce!"

Julia took out a piece of paper. "Sorry, remember the day I forced myself on you, then I put that gun to your head and I made you sign a contract giving me all ownership of your body, mind, and soul. Well, Kanami approved it, you're mine, FOREVER!"

Suddenly something green and blue jumped Julia, it was Spike, beating the crap out of her. "This is for breaking up me and Vicious! This is for throwing me out the window of that church! This is for throwing me down the well! This is for breaking the rules! This is for Shinji Ikari! This is for putting me in those two stupid commercials and that stupid reality show and I hate reality shows, I will destroy them all! And this is for my wife and the eye you made her lose!"

"Impressive, very impressive, but she's not a Spiegel...yet." Julia said after she spat out some blood.

Vicious quietly stepped away without a word. "I told you, didn't I? Now you're paying for it DiCaprio, this is what you get for not listening to me! I told you that Spike was going to beat the crap out of you if you piss him off any further!"

Suddenly Emperor Palpatine appears and cackles. "Good! Good! Give into your anger young Spiegel! Soon you will be the new Sith DiCaprio!"

Vicious drops a black circle on the ground and throws Palpatine into it. "Shut up and go back to The Neither Regions where you belong, your tentacled boyfriends are waiting for you anyway! Stupid Fartbag! Okay! That's it, there's a new rule, Spike, no more yelling in caps and stop being a bitch and get the hell off DiCaprio before I get the urge to divorce her again!"

Palpatine is sent to the office of Ryuho in chains. "You have pissed me off you ugly fartbag! Get the baddest demons for him and turn him back into a brainless bimbo please. I don't know how the s.o.b. does it! Take him away!"

The Oni bowed and carried Palpatine out of the office.

Spike got off the bruised and bloodied Julia, who looked like Amsterdam after he got his ass severly kicked in Gangs of New York. "You suck Spiegel!"

"Up yours DiCaprio!" Spike gave Vicious a nod and gave Julia a swift kick to the ribcage. "Okay buddy, whatever you say. But beating her up, made me feel pretty good!"

Vicious shook his head. "Oh Spike, beating Julia up is not the answer to your problems."

Vicious picked up Julia and started cleaning her up. "Do you still want a divorce?"

"No I don't Julia, but no more hitting me." Vicious said.

Julia nodded; "Okay."

Suddenly Vicious gave her a slap on the head. "That was for putting me on that shrivled up sardine that you called a penis! Not even the real Gollum would do that to his Precious! You're such a jerk DiCaprio!"

Suddenly Spike waved his hand and put Julia in a school girl uniform and Vicious stayed the same, but he was given fake tentacles to wear on his back. "Muhahahahaha!" Vicious started chasing Julia all over West City.

"Nooooooo! Not that!" Julia screamed as Vicious grabbed her by her wrists, ankles, and waist while he let his other tentacles do the dirty work.

"How long will these work for?" He asked.

Spike cackled evily; "The batteries are good for about three hours, I forgot to change them. That's what she gets for doing all those terrible things to us! Get her Vicious! Get her good!"

"Excellent!" The silver haired beauty hissed.

"No! Noooooooooooo!" Julia screamed again as Vicious began to make his assault on the trembling girl. "Oh yes! This is what I wanted Vicious! Oh my frickin' god!"

Vicious and Julia start laughing as Julia took off the Fake Tentacles. "Like I was going to do that to her!"

"There are too many tentacle jokes in this story, so we're just going to cut it out now." Julia said.

"Oh yeah, it's getting done to death, but you know, Spike is a really good Witch. Hey Julia, let's play some baseball with the Paranoia Agent Cast!" The two left still laughing.

Spike went back to his ship and flew back to the Bebop, with Mara draped over his shoulder.  
Back on the Bebop, Luke and Edward sat in the hangar and watched the Swordfish II land.  
Spike gave Mara to Luke and handed him a paper bag. "I brought you some Miso Soup, it's really good, my friend Chi-Chi made it. There's an extra cabin near Faye and Jet's room, you guys can go in there."

Luke took the bag. "Thanks, I'm really hungry and dad's cooking was good, but nothing to write home about."

"Yeah, your father is not the best cook in the world and he's not Anakin anymore Luke, he's Jet."

"But I like calling him dad."

"Okay, so be it Jedi!" Spike watched Luke carry Mara off.

Edward rushed to Spikes arms and hugged him. "I knew you wouldn't cheat on me!"

"See, I really love you Ed and that is coming from me, not Miroku. Besides, I miss you Sango, I miss your touch and the way you hold me."

"Oh Miroku, that is so sweet, I can't wait to come back to life. Hey Spike, your brother is on the verge of you know and your dad is already there, polishing his Katana."

"Well, what are we waiting for, let's get dressed and get over to Kazuma and Mimoris."

The Bebop Crew got dressed for a funeral and left the ship through Goku who was nice enough to use teleportation. They got to the temple where the goddess and god lived. Goku said he would wait, which he did. Mimori was now a crone, her long hair was a silvery blue and her face was wrinkled. Kazuma was lying on the bed waiting to die. His red hair was now silver, eyes that once had shown a fiery determination were now lifeless.

"Man, I hate this part, usually kids outlive their parents. Oh well, Kazuma any last words?" Mugen muttered as he got his blade ready. Mugen turns on "Stuck in the Middle With You" and he begins to make his move.

"It's okay dad, this is what I get for regenerating so much."

"Father! Wait!" A voice cried out.

"Jesus Spike! I wanted to see him die!" Van spouted.

"Shut up loser that's my brother and your cousin you're talking about! Stupid Homunculi Muggle!" Spike snapped and pushed his cousin.

"It's true, I am your Homunculus Spike, your uncle and aunt used black magic and sex to create me! Oh and I am stronger than you!" Van pushed him back, he took out his sword and Spike whipped out his gun.

Mugen snapped; "Hey! Put those away! If you hurt your cousin, Spike, so help me, you'll be joining your brother in Ryuho's office!"

Spike and Van put their weapons away. "Just be glad that I don't have Dann of Thursday on me or you would be toast!"

"My dragon form can rip your mecha to shreds!"

"Shut up the both of you!" Snapped Fuu and Yatsuha.

Somewhere in another part of the universe. Vicious rolled his eyes and sighed. "Just hit the damn ball Maniwa! And you, Harumi the first baseman, stop yelling at Maria the umpire! Damn it, Lil' Slugger, you'll be on after Maniwa hits the damn ball!" A bat goes flying at Vicious and misses him. "Don't you dare throw that bat at me Maniwa!"

Roger Smith got in between both boys. "Hey, stop it! This is no way to act at a family reunion! You guys can kill each other later, if you want."

"I don't know Rog, the boy ain't right!" Angel took Van by the ear.

While Mugen was smacking Spike with his unsheathed sword and laughing. "You little brat! I should have beaten you more when you were a child! I should have sent you to that Full Metal Alchemist Military Academy instead. But noooo, it was "I want to go to Hogwarts daddy and become a wizard, not a State Alchemist!"

"Oh Spike, why?" Yatsuha growled.

"My poor Kazi... Mugen you're a barbarian!" Fuu sat in the corner weeping.

"You won't be saying that later in bed during sex tonight girls. That's when you two call me a raging demon instead." Mugen looked at Spike. "Well, Spike, say your peace and let us get finished with the ritual."

"Thank you father, Kazuma, can you hear me?"

"What is it, brother?"

"I need Miroku and this dragon to be extracted from my body at once. Oh and Sango needs to be extracted from Ed."

"Oh so Ed has decided to marry you? You better have a spring wedding because I want to be there. Mimori, get me three bamboo rice cookers immediately!"

Mimori snapped her fingers and three bamboo rice cookers appeared.

Kazuma got up from his bed and waved his hand. "Miroku, I call upon you to leave my brothers body and to get into this rice cooker."

A purple mist came out of Spikes body, the mist entered the purple rice cooker and Kazuma closed it. Spike slumped to the floor.

Kazuma took the black rice cooker and waved his hand over Edward. "Sango, please leave the body of Edward and enter the rice cooker."

A black mist left Eds body and she slumped to the floor beside Spike, but woke up in a few seconds.

Kazuma sighed. "The dragon is going to be harder."

Spikes body floated in the air, he opened his eyes, which were glowing a nice shade of demon red. "I am not going to leave your brothers body too easily." The dragon spoke. "You'll have to fight me for it Kazuma!"

"I am too weak right now, can someone else step in?"

"I'll have to kill him, sorry Spike." Mugen advanced with his sword.

Ed interferred. "No! I will save him!"

Edward approached the possessed bounty hunter.

"Edward be careful!" Jet shouted.

"Don't worry, I know what to do." She said.

"What are you going to do girl?" Spike growled.

Edward grabbed Spikes face and gave him a passionate kiss. "I love you."

"The girls heart is true, but still give me another reason why I should leave this body." The dragon said.

Edward held up a picture. "This is Shenron, he's the eternal dragon, handsome fellow isn't he?"

"Oh, what a lovely dragon! When can you take me to him?" Said the dragon.

"We'll be off to see the dragon in a few minutes, just get the hell out of my boyfriends body ya damn bitch!" Ed snapped.

"Okay, I'll do that!" The dragon said and a red mist left Spike's body and entered the red rice cooker.

Suddenly Spike slumped to the floor and Ed rushed to him, where she took him in her arms. "Spike? Spike?"

Mugen bent down and gave the boy a good punch in the head. "That'll wake him up!"

"Mugen!" Yatsuha shouted.

"Oh, dad! I don't want to go to Hogwarts!" Spike mumbled.

Mugen chuckled; "But you liked Hogwarts, you had so much fun there, you made a lot of friends, and you loved Quidditch! Hmph! I was a Hufflepuff boy myself. My father Lupin III let me go there. Roger was in Slythern, so will Van when he finds his power. And Spike and Kazuma were both in Gryffindor."

"No, I am going to Ravenclaw!" Van snapped.

"You are going to Slythern!" Roger barked.

"We'll just have to let the Sorting Hat choose when I get there!" Van said, then pushed his father against a wall with a full blast of power. Suddenly an owl flew in and gave him a letter. "Well everybody, I am off to Hogwarts!"

"Good riddance you lazy brat! Now Angel and I, can have the mansion to ourselves!" Roger growled as he watched Van walk away. "Please do a good job Van and do what the teachers tell you!"

Ed shouted; "Hey! That's not how you do it, Pops!"

"Pops? Listen girly! I'm not that old!"

Ed took Spike in her arms and kissed him with deep passion. Spike was finally awake, he smiled at her and said one simple word. "Hey."

Tears flowed from Eds eyes. "Now I can be your girlfriend and the mother of your child."

"Can you put a hold on that mother of my child thing? I don't want kids right now." He said.

Edward gasped; "It's really you! You're back! The Spike I love is back!"

Jet and Faye were so happy that Spike and Ed were finally together.

Spike looked up. "Thanks Kazuma. Kazuma?"

Spike watched as his father rammed his Katana into his brother's abdomen, Kazumas body shattered into a million rainbow colored stars and vanished into the air. "See you later son!"

Fuu was in Yatsuha's arms weeping, while Roger and Angel were just silent.

Mugen put his sword away. "Um, are we still on for Yule?"

Spike nods; "Yeah dad, we'll be there."

"See ya!" Mugen and the others walk off and Mimori puts on a dark robe and begins to stir a big black cauldron.

"Spike, your family is wierd, but I am so happy that I am going to be a part of it!" Ed hugs him again.

"Will you become a witch, because we can only marry witches." Spike asked.

"Of course! How do you think I used to surf the net without a mouse?" She held him again. "I did it with my brain."

"A telepath! I love you more!"

Goku comes in. "Okay, let's get to the dragon, Inuyasha has the balls and he wants to meet us at the Sake Sages Lair."

He teleports everyone to the Sake Sages Lair where Inuyasha was waiting with Kagome, Shippo, and Kirara. Suddenly the Sake Mist came over everyone.

Spike, Shippo, and Kagome started singing. "Lucky there's a family guy..."

Faye was hitting on Goku; "Come with me, I better cook than Chichi."

Jet was hissing like Darth Vader. "Spike, I am your father."

"No you are not, Mugen is my father!" Spike snapped. "You're the father of a mentally unstable Jedi Master!"

Edward was acting like her younger self. "Ed wants cho-co-late! Edward is Edward! Hey, where's Ein? Ein?" Ein is always missing in these fics, so are cigarettes.

"Okay, shut the fuck up everyone!" Inuyasha yelled, everyone stopped and paid attention.  
Inuyasha put the balls on the ground. "Shenlong oh great cliche dragon, I call you to come forth for the 1,000,000 time!"

The balls lit up, yadda yadda, and the green dragon appeared. "What is it now, can't a dragon jack- I mean get some sleep."

Spike approached the dragon and opened the purple rice cooker. "Let's get Miroku back!"

"Okay, it's done."

The rice cooker was empty and Miroku appeared.

Miroku bowed to Spike; "Thank you for saving me."

Edward opened the black rice cooker. "Please bring back Sango!"

Sango appeared and gave Edward a hug. "Thank you so much Ed!"

The two young lovers ran to each other and hugged. Then she slapped him. "That's for all the dirty things you made Spike do!"

"Sorry Sango."

"Anything else?" The dragon asked.

"I wonder what would happen, if Spike got pregnant, but it was all a dream." Faye whispered.

Spike didn't hear her, suddenly he felt a slight change come over him, Edward held his hand tightly. "It's going to happen tonight Spike."

"Oh Edward, I'm so happy." He sighed.

"I heard that and it shall be done." The dragon said.

Edward presented the red rice cooker. "Now, I have a wish for you shenlong."

"For me? Well, that's different."

Ed opened the rice cooker. "Inside is a beautiful female red dragon, bring her back to life and she'll make you an awesome bride. Besides, I showed her a picture of you and she thinks you're hot."

Shenron watched the red spirit appear before him. "Hello handsome!"

"Thank you Edward! My jacking off days are over!" Shenlongs eyes flashed and the red dragon appeared to him alive and beautiful. "Come my bride, our honeymoon awaits!"

Miroku married them in a ceremony and then they were husband and wife.

The red dragon sighed; "Thank you for freeing me and helping me find my true happiness, I am now at peace. Faretheewell my friends!"

The dragons flew off to the stars and the balls flew back into the Magic Shaws Bag, Spike grabbed the bag and gave it to Kanami who was there watching everything. "These balls need a break now, I'm putting them away so those dragons can have some peace. Also I'll send that Akanah person to the Neither Regions, you asked for it and I shall do it."

Jet also asked Kanami. "Um yeah, another favor. There is this new Sith Bitch, well, her name is Lumiya. I let her live, damn that was pretty stupid. Can you send her to the Neithers too?"

"Sure Jet, but do the universe a favor, do not create anymore stinky, smelly, and icky gross Sith!" She said, then vanished in a blast of white light.

Everyone went their separate ways.

Goku brought the Bebop Crew to Tharsis Square, where there was a surprise.

Spike went to the poduim in the square. "People of Anime World and beyond, as you know as your ruler I have lived a life of solitude for a while after that evil DiCaprio creature dumped me, but no more! After years of courting, I will finally ask Radical Edward to be my queen."

Vicious appeared out of nowhere with a camera crew. "This is it everybody, this is what everyone has been waiting for. Our ruler is now relieved of the curse, Sango and Miroku are now among the living and Shenlong has a wife. Speaking of wives on this beautiful and joyous Halloween Eve, our great god is dead and we are getting ready for the cold winter, oops sorry went off topic. Well, our ruler who has been courting this woman for years will now finally pop the question! But first, I have made a courtship video of these two lovebirds.

The video consisted of Spike chasing Ed around the Bebop, Spike stalking her, Spike spying on her. Spike crawling into bed with her, only to get sent flying across the room after. Then an interview. "Oh this is Kismet! This is fate! Oh kiss me Kate, uh, I mean Ed! Oh yes, I love redheads, because when they are girls they are sweet as strawberries, then when they mature as women, they become like a fine wine to savour. Oh yes, I will savour every drop! I will make this fiery haired temptress my queen! Even if I have to get kicked in the nads or die trying! So if I am brought back by Alchemy, um, how could I put this, I would look like my cousin Van, whom I really hate as much as I hate Julia and Faye." Then an interview with Edward. "He's crazy Vicious, he won't leave me alone! Besides, my father doesn't want me to marry him, it's like, it's not fair. I love Spike, it's just that I don't know how to show it right now." There was their first kiss, which didn't go so well, Spike was slapped in the face twice, then kicked in the nads. Then when Spike rubbed her butt, she whipped out her gun and started shooting at him. Then at the end Spike and Ed were in a passionate kiss and she didn't hit him or anything. The video ended and everyones attention went back to Vicious.

"Well everybody, this is Vicious Ayanami, no relation to Rei."

Eureka slapped him in the back of the head. "Stop hiding your eye color!"

Vicious' contacts fell out revealing pinkish purple eyes like Eureka's. "We're not related either. Oh well anywho, I am your one and only gossip to the stars." Purple butterfly wings popped out of his back. "Oh shit, I'm about to transform, no wonder Dewey is trying to kill me! Wait, I have this collar around my neck, it was a gift from Dewey."

At the mental hospital where Dewey is. "That's right daddy, soon, you'll be the new Command Cluster on Mars. All I have to do is press this button to trigger an event!" Dewey took the device in his hand and pressed the button.

Vicious cringed. "Um, stay tuned after the Pumpkin Drop to see my new music video that Spike directed and a commercial for my indie film, The Humiliation of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. Only available on the net and in dvd form. Enjoy!" Vicious winked, then his skin turned green and gold; "I look like a Mardi Gras float!" Then he vanished in a big rainbow colored bubble.

Spike got down on his knees and took Edwards hand. "Edward Appledelhi."

"She better not say no." Said Nabeshin; "I have money riding on this."

"She's going to dump his ass in front of the whole universe, that'll be a good laugh." Said Sailor Mars.

"She put up with all of his crap and she's going to finally marry him?" Said Renton.

Spike placed a ring on her finger; "Will you marry me Edward?"

There was silence, people in the crowd were shouting. "Oh come on!"

"Say something Ed! Say anything! Stop joking around!" Shouted Eureka.

Ed began to open her mouth.

**Meanwhile on the Bebop...**

Luke put Mara in bed and had his snack, suddenly he felt weird. Luke undressed himself and started undressing Mara. Luke giggled and woke the red haired woman, "Oh Han, you sexy hunk of man, you beast, take me in your arms, and make me your whore. Make hot gay love to me!"

Vicious snickered as he started recording, the weird skin color was gone, but his wings and eye color remained.

"Come here, I want to kiss you Luke." Mara kissed Luke again.

"Don't worry, it's coming." She said as she grabbed a strange looking thing that was on the floor. She wrapped it around her waist and let it fall between her legs.

"Take me." He said. Suddenly he felt her enter his tight little white ass, Luke screamed. "You are so sexy!"

"Oh really, because you're not, maybe you should wear a bag over your head." Mara snarled.

They didn't even know that they were being watched and that they didn't see the silver haired guy with the digital video recorder. Vicious rubbed his sore back, those tentacles were heavy, but his wings felt pretty nice and light. "Ahh, It's good to be a Corrallion, I'm so pretty!"

Speaking of the Devil...Julia was off playing video games. She laughed maniacally as she killed every opponent she had and was savouring it. "Die! Die! All Deepground Soldiers must die!! Die Rosso! Oh I love this Vincent Valentine guy!"

The phone rang and Julia picked it up. "Hello mommy, is daddy dead yet?"

"No Dewey, he's not, now stop trying to kill him, even if he is an Earth Child. Now get off the phone before good Nurse Rachett sees you!"

"Bye mommy! See in you Hell!"

"I hate you too dear." Julia hung up the phone and loaded her Cerberus Death Penalty Dewey Killing Gun. She put on some black clothes, two black gauntlets, then a golden clawed gauntlet, a red cape, golden boots, and a red bandana. "Don't worry Dewey, it'll be over soon, mommy will make it all better." She cackled wildly as she raced out the door. "I want to do something retarded first."

Julia headed off to Naruto World and got to Orochimaru's house, she banged on the door with her silver baseball bat, then waited for him to come out. Oro came out and looked. "Anko if this is a joke? Anko?"

"Yo Whitey!" Julia swung the bat and hit him on the head knocking him out cold.

Oro was stripped, trussed up like a Christmas turkey, complete with a big red Christmas bow on his ass and a card on the side that said. "Merry Halloween Anko With love Sasuke Uchiha!"

Julia carried the poor pale little man over to Anko's house and dropped him at the door. Anko didn't see Julia, but was so happy to see her gift. "Dear Diary, jackpot!"

When Oro awoke he began to scream as Anko dragged him inside for a night of love.

Julia snickered, then headed towards the mental hospital to kill that brat of hers.

Meanwhile in Tharsis Square people are waiting to see the pumpkin drop and they were awaiting Eds answer!

Ed shook her head. "Yes! I will marry you!"

Everyone cheered as Spike kissed her with passion.

"5,4,3,2,1! Happy Halloween!" The scene suddenly switches, the crowd starts to party. "Here is the first music video from former syndicate member, bounty hunter, Corallion-like human, and big mouth, yours truly Vicious. All the way from Bebop World, this is the hit that is burning up the Anime Galaxy. Dedicated to my lovely lady Julia, who appears with me in the video. This is Beauty Within the Shell!

"Look Vicious is mimicking Madonna!" Faye asked.

"Oh yeah, that's the music video we made, Spike directed it." Edward said.

"Vicious just grabbed his crotch, now he's slinking across the floor, and rolling around on a bed half naked." Jet pointed to the screen.

"He's drinking milk from a saucer!" Spike said, then held Edward closer to him.

Jet gasped. "Now he's chained to a bed and some pervy girl is watching him feel himself! Oh, that's Ed."

At Bulma and Vegetas house, they were getting their groove on. "He is really good! Look at Julia making insane love to him! Their relationship is really hot."

In Han and Leias bedroom, let's say it's a SW version of Peter and Lois' S&M scene from Family Guy. "Han sweetie, the safety word is "Banana." WTF?"

Meanwhile back on the Bebop, Mara and Luke are having mad mushroom trips. Mara is on top of Luke's back, still doing you know what to his you know know where.

Luke screamed. "Han! Stop! No! It's too big! You'll hurt me!"

"It's too late!" She growled, then entered him from behind.

Luke wails. "Oh Han, yes! Fill me! This hurts so good, oh Han, I love it when you fuck me! Fuck me hard! Ride me like a friggin donkey!"

Mara growled. "You like that, don't you, you dirty whore? Are you a dirty whore? Are you a slut, of course you're a slut! You're cheating on your fiance with your brother! You're such a sick disgusting little whore!"

"Yes! Yes! I am a disgusting whore! I'm a dirty slut! I'm a skank!" Luke screamed.

"Good now get your dirty carcass away from me you worthless slut!" Mara growled.

"Yes, master!" Luke squealed.

He rolled over next to Mara. "So, how was I?"

"You were sooooo goooood." Luke sighed. "Thanks a lot Han, I feel so much better! So how was I?"

"I thought of your sister the whole time." Mara admitted; "But I wouldn't treat her the way I treated you. Besides, you were awful."

"Gee, thanks! I'm glad I sucked and I sucked hard!" Luke said happily.

"I'll give you one last kiss." Mara kissed Luke.

Mara passed out, so did Luke.

"Bingo!" Vicious giggled like the schoolgirl he is and rushed off to his computer.

The Bebop crew returned home and Spike grabbed Julia by the hair and dragged her into the kitchen. "I am in need of your services DiCaprio! Your unholy master beckons you to do his evil bidding!"

"Spike! If you can't play nice with Julia, then don't play with her at all! She's not a toy, you know!" Vicious snapped and followed into the kitchen.

A few minutes pass...

Spike was laying on his tummy in his room as Edward was eating sushi off his naked body. Julia was pretty good at putting the whole thing together and Ed was so surprised. "I'm so happy that we're finally getting married!"

Ed giggled as she fed Spike some sushi. "I know, I know!"

After they ate Spike and Ed began to make out, then Spike took off Edwards clothes; "Spike, I'm ready. Holy crap! The hair is green down there! It looks like a snake hiding in the grass, geez, you are a Zentraadi! Grass crotch!"

"Look at you! Faye was right, you are a fire crotch!"

"Shut up the fuck up Spike!"

Spike frowned as Ed turned away. "What's wrong now?"

"I don't want to have sex with an alien!" She sighed.

"What? My father is an alien and I turned out fine! Come on Edward, I am half human, you know." He said softly.

Ed turned and faced him again. "Oh what the hell, I want to have sex with an alien! Besides Julia is having sex with a Corrallion, whatever those things are."

"So you are ready to become mine, let us begin." Spike kissed every inch of her body, and bit her breast hard. "I will mark you as my woman."

"Oh Spike! Spike!" Edward screamed, then Spike grabbed her wrists, bit her neck, and slipped inside her.

"Oh Edward! You little minx, I'm so glad that I finally have you! I guess I didn't need that growth potion after all! Uhhh, just kidding honey." Edward looked up at him and glared. Suddenly Spike picked up speed and the bed started banging against the wall. Then the ship started rocking violently with Ed screaming and Spike roaring like a feral creature.

Vicious threw up all over Julia. "Oh sick! Will you stop throwing up? By the way, I killed Dewey, Vincent Valentine style!"

Vicious rolled his eyes. "First it was Gollum, now it's Vincent Valentine."

"He's happier than Gollum." Julia pounced on Vicious and covered him up in her red cloak.

Vicious giggled. "Oh no, it's Vincent Valentine! Faye's brother!"

"I have you now Yuffie!" She said as she kissed him sweetly. "Mmm, I love your wings! No wonder Renton loves Eureka so much!"

Jet and Faye were in the living room enjoying some pears. "Well, it sounds like the Martian Invasion of Earth has started." Jet joked.

Suddenly the screams got louder and Spike was howling like a wild animal. "It looks like Germany is storming France again!" Faye said.

"Um Faye, Spike is not German, he's a Zentraadi/human hybrid." He told her. "Mugen happens to be a Zentraadi, his people built Atlantis, then sank it in anger."

Back in Spikes room, there was a bright flash of light and Edward found himself on top of a beautiful green haired woman with very odd eyes. "Oh Edward, you hot piece of man!"

"Hot piece of man?" Ed looked down and saw that he was inside of Spike. Oh my goddess, they were connected!

He quickly pulled out of her and looked in the mirror, he looked like Spike and Spike looked like Ed, except with green hair and red-brown eyes! "Edward? Where are you going? We're not finished baby!"

Ed muttered; "What the hell?"

"Grrrrr! Finish what you started Ed! Come back here sexy!" The womans silky hands carressed his body and he felt hard all of a sudden, so this is what it's like to be a guy?

He needed to unload the subway fast, so he thought of something else.

"You need any help Edward?"

"Oh god." He whispered; but was suddenly relieved. "No Spike, I'm fine."

"Oh my poor Edward, let me make you feel better, come back and fuck me!" She said playfully.

Ed moved away and chuckled nervously, he poured himself a drink. "Would you like some whiskey?"

"Oh yes, I'd love some." She purred.

Edward poured the drinks for them both and brought the bottle over. "So Spike, can't wait to get married?"

"I can't wait to be your wife and the mother of your children." She sighed. "I want to have a baby now."

"Damn it Ryuho, if this is your doing!"

"Stop blaming Ryuho for everything, it's just human nature."

Edward mulled it over, well, Spike's uppance had to come one day. He gulped his whiskey down and took Spike in his arms. "That's it! I am going to do everything that you did me tonight, only harder! You are going to scream and you will enjoy it!"

Spike giggled; "You are such a bad boy!"

Ed began kissing Spike all over, until he got up to the chest and bit one of her boobs really hard. Ed straddled the green haired beauty and began his lovemaking.

Over in Ryuho's Office, the poor guy has stacks of paperwork, but he's the Lord of the Underworld. He looks like the same old Ryuho, but wearing a white office shirt, brown pants, and his hair is a bit messy. He doesn't have scary horns and a pitchfork, nope, none of that, he's just your typical office worker. "It's not my fault! Blame Faye Valentine!" Ryuho looks to his left at the person telling him what to do. "Uh huh, so that's what you want. Let's see, Faye Valentine, 168 day detention here after death at age 200. Get the coolest demon in Anime World for her. Impregnantion? Hell yes! For the creation of 100 sexy female demons. Thanks Kazuma!"

"No problem!" Kazuma chuckled; "Mess with my brother, I think not."

"Ryuho, Palpatine is trying to escape again." Said a blue ogre.

"Geez! Make sure that the demons have him secured and replace his brain again with an air cushion, so he can be an idiot. Also, please turn him back into that bimbo!" He sat back in his chair and grumbled. "Ah fuck it!" Suddenly Ryuho paused. "Excuse me." Ryuho went out the door and into the cineplex prison where Palpatine was held. He takes out a Colt 45 and shoots Palpatine in the head. "There, he's dead! He's never coming back, ever!" The guards and prisoners applauded Ryuho as he went back to his office. Then the phone rang. "This is the Neither Regions."

"Ryuho!" It was Kanami.

"Yes dear." He said nervously.

"Remember to get chocolate chip cookies on the way home from the office. Oh and Spike Spiegel's going to get pregnant, what do you think I should do?" She asked.

"Okay honey, well, what about the dragons?"

"They're on a honeymoon."

"You're the Goddess, can't you stop it?"

"Excuse me, I create life, I don't take it away. That is Botans job. Well, I tell her who to take, but I am not going to let her take that young life!"

"Damn you Kanami, then think of something!"

"Oh shit, it's too late, Air Edward 158 has just entered Spiegel airspace and has just landed his airplane in her hangar and the crew has already departed."

Make that a 626 day detention for Miss Valentine! Get me Koga from the Inuyasha World! Faye is to marry him! Also, make that 150 lady demons!" Ryuho lit a cigar. "Ahh it's good to be me!"

Kazuma smirked; "You're just following my orders."

"Yup."

A sweat soaked Edward laid naked on top of the beautiful green haired goddess. Spike moaned as he sped up.

Suddenly the door slid opened and in barged Appledelhi with Jet. "Where's my daughter!"

Ed snapped; "I am your daughter!"

Appledelhi paused; "That's not true! That's impossible!"

"Oh hush father!"

Jet grumbled; "Oiy, bad memories, very bad menories. Appledelhi, why did you have to bring that up? Now I really need a drink!"

Faye came in, then she turned very pale and ran away.

Jet shrugged. "I tried to stop him. Wait who are you people?"

Faye rushed into the living quarters, that's when Kagura came in. "I got a letter from Ryuho. You're in deep shit with Kazuma. So Ryuho has given you a 626 day detention and a quick marriage to Koga. It says here, you will create 150 lady demons for the Neither Regions during the detention. Then Kanami will pass judgement, so you can get into The Summerlands to be with Jet. But it has to be on good behavior, if not, another 626 days. If you fail, you'll become a demon yourself and stay happily married to Koga and you get to see Jet in the Spring and Summer. You'll probably be as hot looking as me. Well, have a nice life and see you in a few years!"

Faye slid down to the floor and started crying, why was Kazuma punishing her for this? Then she realized that it was a wish that she made, she had to find the dragons! Wait, she wouldn't mind being Koga's woman. Koga was cool! "Oh Koga!"

Suddenly there was a small tornado in the living room and then McDreamy appeared. "Hey baby!"

"Koga! You handsome demon! What are you doing here?" Faye asked.

"Kazuma! That's evil! I should be doing that!" Screeched Ryuho.

"Hey, I wasn't given the role of underlord, you're the underlord! Hey, Koga needs a woman, so I sent him over there!" Kazuma did a double take. "Oh yeah, that 626 day detention was a joke! Did you see her face! You have to be Palpatine bad to earn that!"

"Man, I hate you and I have always hated you! I'll give her a two day detention, and make that 60 demon women. Hey you want to go for some Dairy Queen?"

"Yeah, sure!"

Faye half smiled; "I did something bad, I didn't mean to wish Spike pregnant, it was a joke."

Koga shrugged; "It's all good baby, hey besides I don't mind sharing you with the Vader-man, Jet's cool. So, you want to go to my place?"

"Sure!" Faye said, then they vanished in a small tornado.

Meanwhile in Spikes Room...

Spike screamed and covered herself, as Ed looked back at the angry man and Jet. "It's us Jet, it's Spike and Edward. Our genders were switched. Um, hi dad."

"I need a drink!" Appledelhi growled.

Suddenly Jet grumbled; "I'll join you."

Spike gasped; "Edward! Why is your knee in my groin area?"

"Spike?"

Everything was back to normal.

"What was that? What happened to me?"

"I became a man and you became a woman."

"Did you ask the dragon for it?" he snapped; "Is this some kind of a sick joke?"

"No, I didn't I swear!"

"Then, it had to be Faye! But why? What sick thing is she planning for me now?"

Spike took Ed in his arms; "Just forget it Spike, maybe it's nothing."

"Whatever happens, happens." Spike says and they both fall asleep. Spike didn't know, but he had life growing inside of him.

Jet and Appledelhi are drinking in the living quarters. "Where's that broad of yours?"

Jet has no clue where Faye is. "That wench probably went gambling, who cares!" Said the drunken Jet.

"My daughter is going to marry that punk brat!"

"Spike is a good man, give him a chance!"

Appledelhi fell asleep on the couch, while Jet rambled off to his room. There was no Faye to be had. "Oh well, she's probably gotten lucky somewhere. I still hope she comes back."

Over at Koga's Palace, smooth Jazz was playing, there was candlelight. Faye and Koga were making out in his room. "Will you marry me?"

"Sure Koga." Faye said sweetly.

"Ryuho! Get your lily white ass over here, I summon you now!" Koga shouted into a cellphone.

Suddenly there was a screetch of tires, and a pink VW Beetle was parked outside. Ryuho opened the door. "Kanami does all the cool stuff, I have to drive to places." He came into Koga's living quarters and saw the two holding hands. "Hey what's up, what did you summon me for dude?"

"I want to marry this hot girl." Koga said as Faye giggled.

"Cool, okay." Ryuho opened up a Weddings for Fucktards Book. "It says, "Dearly beloved we are gathered-." I'm not into this shit!" Ryuho tosses the book into a fireplace. "Do you Koga of the Inuyasha World take Faye Valentine of the Cowboy Bebop World as your woman? Will you promise to share her with the dark lord himself, Captain Jet Black of the Bebop. Also will you take care of her and all that other shit?"

"I do." Koga said holding Faye closer to him.

"Do you Faye, yadda, yadda, take Koga yadda, yadda as your man and yadda, yadda and all that jazz? Mmmm, Pepsi Jazz."

"Sure I do!" Faye shouted.

"Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah. By the power invested in my wife, Kazuma, Mimori, myself, Emperor and Empress Spiegel, the planet of Mars, Japanese Anime Land, and the whole universe I pronounce you chick and dude, you can now kiss your lawfully wedded wench. Good for you, now I have to go home and feed my wife cookies and milk and I need some Pepsi Jazz badly and a Supreme Omelette with bacon and cheese on a croissant from Dunkin Donuts! I need one now!" Ryuho rushed out the door.

Faye and Koga kissed for a long time and Ryuho left. All they heard was a door slam and the screetching tires of a VW Bug leaving.

"I'm pregnant." Julia said to Vicious.

"Oooohhhhh! Yay me!" Vicious squealed; "Can we name him Holland? I hope Dewey likes him."

Julia's tone turned serious. "We can't let Dewey out of the mental hospital. He tried to kill you, remember? But don't worry, maybe he'll destroy himself instead. Oh wait, I forgot, I killed him."

Vicious sobbed. "He was so mean to me! His own father! I hope Holland will be a good boy."

"Whatever Vicious, sure. I am suddenly in the mood to go surfing." Guess Eureka Seven is not ready to be made just yet.

Back in Luke and Maras Room...

"Good morning Starshine! The Earth says hello!" Mara heard a voice and saw a naked Luke next to her.

"Eh?"

"That was some night you gave me! Oh Mara, you were The Man! You were an awesome Han, the way you held me and called me insulting names, you frightened me...Do it again. You can even use that thing that you wore that Faye used to have before hooking up with Jet. Besides, we need to have some fun in our relationship, I'm tired of being Mr. Nice, I like being Mr. Nasty in bed. Vicious also took a video of us doing it to prove that I do get the girl! He's going to download it on the internet, ain't that cool news!"

"The Man?" Mara suddenly looked down below her waist and gasped at the aparatus covering her neither regions. "Jesus Christ on a stick! I'm huge!"

Luke chuckled. "Mmmm, that was so much fun, do me again!"

Mara shrugged; "I swear it felt so real, I was having sex as Han, then in Alva City it was Halloween and there was this music video, then I treated you like garbage. Then Spikes father killed Kazuma."

Luke's mouth moved, but there was no sound.

"What?"

"This is a dream..." Julia said, then she kissed Mara sweetly.

Suddenly Jet's voice bellowed through out the ship. "Woman! Get those brats up, it's time for breakfast! Padme, I mean Faye, get your ass up now! Get up now or I will kill you!" Suddenly Jet was strangling Faye, not with his hands, but with the Force. "Die Faye! Die! You bitch!"

Mara awoke in bed, next to her was Luke fast asleep. "Hey Luke, when did you get here and why do I hear Darth Vader yelling, isn't he dead?"

Luke half smiled; "That's Jet, he's the captain of the ship and uh, yeah, he happens to be Darth Vader."

There was a pounding on the door. "Luke! Mara! Get your asses up now!"

"Okay daddy!"

Vicious here, talking again. Well, we decided to have breakfast in Darth Vader's Crappy Old Palace instead. Well, it's not that crappy anymore, Luke got his hands on the place and made it more nicer looking. Have you ever visited one of the mansions in Newport? Yeah, that kind of nice. Jet added some unique touches, he put up some old Jazz Posters to liven things up and he smashed up the meditation chamber pretty bad, he had a lot of fun doing it too. Everyone was at the breakfast table except for Spike and Edward. "Hey where is Spike and Ed? Faye asked; "It's not like them to turn down food."

"I'm so happy that you'll be my wife." Spike kissed her and she melted in his arms.

"If this is a dream, then don't wake me up, it's everything it seems." They laid in each others arms, not hoping to wake from the dream.

Later, everyone parted ways and the Bebop went back home and damn, they were rich.

The Bebop: 3 Months Later.:

As Spike entered the living quarters, he felt sick to his stomach. "Spike Jet made breakfast!" Vicious called out.

Suddenly Spike felt dreadfully ill and ran to the bathroom, Ed followed him. "Spike? Are you okay?"

"I must have some kind of a stomach flu." Spike said weakly. "I'm also putting on weight, I usually don't do that."

Ed rubbed his back as he threw up some more. "Maybe you should see a doctor?"

"No, no doctors. Ed, is this what you Earth women call "Morning Sickness?"

"Oh Spike, don't be silly, men can't have children."

Then it was time for the Majin Superwitch show.

The crone looked into her crystal ball and cackled; "As for Spike Spiegel being the father of Fayes child, Spike you are not the father!"

Spike jumped up. "I knew it!"

Faye huffed; "Spike, that was a waste of time because at the beginning of this fic, I told you that Jet was the father!"

"Jet Black is the father of the unborn child and Faye is secretly married to Koga. They were wed by the devil himself, Ryuho!" The crone said.

Ryuho got up from his seat and waved; "It's not my fault, it's just human nature, don't blame me, and don't call me the devil, I am Ryuho!"

Koga came to the stage, he embraced and kissed Faye. "Who loves ya baby!"

Faye giggled and let go. "You do my little pumpkin."

Jet shook hands with Koga and they embraced as friends. "We have a great woman there and I wouldn't mind sharing her with you Koga." Jet got down on one knee and proposed; "Let's marry on Naboo, by the lake, again!"

"How sweet!" Faye sighed; "Jet, I love you! It will be so good to see Naboo again!"

The witch cackled again; "As for Spike Spiegel being the brother of the beautiful Edward, you are not!"

Spike laughed; "Sorry Appledelhi! But I will call you daddy!"

Suddenly the white haired woman dressed in black cackled; "Here's a shocker! Mr. Spiegel, I don't know how to put this, but you're pregnant! The father of your child happens to be your fiance, Edward!"

Spike turned white and looked at the bulge that was his stomach. "Oh shit! Men can't have babies! What in hell am I going to do? What about my reputation?"

Actually everyone didn't care, they knew that Faye made that wish, courtesy of Vicious and his big mouth!

:Mars-6 months later.:

Ed stood beside Spikes bed and held his hand as he gave birth. "God damn you woman, you evil little snake! Once I get out of here I am ringing your neck! Women have babies not men! You little bitch! Owww, this hurts! I never knew that this was so painful! My beautiful body is ruined, this is your fault! You did this to me, how dare you! Damn that Faye! I'm going to kill that damn woman! She's going to die a more painful death than Padme! Damn you Ryuho! How could something like this happen! Stupid Ryuho! Kanami should give you a divorce!"

"Augh! It isn't my fault!" Ryuho yelled. "And Kanami loves me very much!"

Ed pleaded; "Spike you never panic, besides it will be me next time."

Spike started breathing. "Oh it will be Ed, because this hurts! I feel like I am going to die!"

The doctors came in. "Mr. Spiegel, we will have to give you a C-Section to get the young man out."

"Young man?" Spike was put under and Ed was there by his side.

A few hours after, a groggy Spike saw Ed beside him with a redhaired man in a blue suit with goggles. "Spike, you did great. Look this is our son."

"Oh shit, it looks like you!"

"Hi mom! Can I go out and kill bad guys with Rude, we're meeting Vincent and the others in Midgar." The young man said.

"Just like his daddy!" Ed chirped.

"This is a dream, isn't it?"

"Yes it is! Spike you were never pregnant, you were never in China, there is no Luke and Mara, Faye and Jet are not Anakin and Padme, Julia is not Ben Kenobi, Yamcha is not married to Callista, there is no wormhole in our galaxy, Vicious is not a Corallion, there is no Dewey Novak Ayanami or Holland! They're already here! Faye didn't marry Koga, Julia is not pregnant, she doesn't abuse Vicious and you never raise your hand to Julia or Faye, Ein doesn't talk, Hank Hill and Peter Griffin or any domestic cartoons never come here, Boomhauer and Quagmire do not have that land it was turned into a park. We didn't have sex, Reno is not our son, although he does share some of our qualities and he sort of dresses like you.

"Edward?"

"You never proposed to me, there are no weird Anime Gods and Goddeses, but you're a witch. Yes, Goku and Vegeta are friends and Vegeta and Bulma have confirmed that they are now a couple. But that's a tv show. Faye is not pregnant again, there is no Luke and Mara sex tape, there was no music video, we did not see the pumpkin go down, Vicious is just a bounty hunter who is covering your ass, not a gossip person, you do not act like a psycho, you were never possessed, Jet and Faye never married, because Faye is gay don't you remember? Also Jet has Ashley. Julia shot you by accident while we were on the job, that is one of the reasons why she is under house arrest, the syndicate was destroyed by Vicious and Julia. They do live with us. So you want an explanation, huh Spiegel? It was all because you were out cold for 10 hours, now wake up!"

Spike awoke to find Edward beside him in their cabin. "It was a dream? I was dreaming for 10 hours?"

Spike shook Ed gently and she awoke with a yelp. "Spike! You're awake!"

He kissed her head. "I had a horrible dream Ed."

He got up to leave, but Ed took his arm. "You had me so scared! Stay with me Spike, don't you dare leave me again."

He put his hand over her mouth to quiet her. "It's okay." He told her softly.

Ed grabbed his wrist and kissed it. "Now that's the man I fell in love with, welcome back cowboy." Ed said as Spike laid down with her.

Spike sighed, "Now we have to punish Julia."

Ed snuggled in closer. "I'll think of something."

Finally, the end! Hooray!

I hoped you enjoyed it, now it's back to work!


End file.
